Like their fellow Jersey Shore cast members, Pauly D and The Situation are attractive—in a greasy, salty way. Like French fries. Or Pringles. Which may explain why so many of us became instantly addicted to the MTV reality show, which anthropologically studies the foibles, food choices and fist-pumps of self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes.
So here's the situation — really, he's right here — on Friday night: Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and DJ Pauly D Delvecchio will get their GTL* on and host Jet at Mirage.
This is the just first wave of the Shore's invasion of the Strip: Jet has booked Jennifer "J-WoWW" Farley and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola for a March hosting date; we hear Pure has snagged Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi (aka "Snickers," "Shnickers" or "Shnookers") to host in the near future.
Jet is on the avant garde of offbeat hosting choices, having booked MTV reality star Ray-J to pump the release of his sex tape. Let's hope for more of this sort of thing; topping my club-host wish list: the cast of Glee, the "Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell" guys and Martha Stewart.
Clubgoers who get in line Friday night will have the privilege of seeing the Jersey boys in the (heavily gelled and very orange) flesh. Pauly D and The Situation reportedly command $7,500 for appearances (they have "people" now; castmate Snooki reportedly raked in $10k for hosting a fist-pumping competition in Florida).
Jet is expecting Friday to be a Shore thing: "I've got people calling me that I haven't talked to in 15, 20 years, telling me they're coming to this event," says Light Group's Mustafa "Moose" Abdi, who booked the Jersey boys. "It's probably gonna be the biggest thing we've done this year, after Tiesto."
Attention ladies: The Situation is bringing along his brother ("The Blood Relation" or "The Imitation"?), and though VIPs usually are separated from the hoi polloi, The Situation and Pauly D insisted that women be allowed to roam free range. "We've got a high [spending] bottle customer that wants to sit next to The Situation," says Abdi. Presumably, the gentleman hopes to learn from The Situation's game and benefit from his overspill.
Pauly D, who regularly DJs in his native Rhode Island, will spin at JET for about 45 minutes. "I'm not having him go on until [frikkin'] late," Abdi says. "And if he sucks, I'm gonna pull him."
The first season of Jersey Shore ends Thursday night (a second season is threatened, with the same cast). So if the phenomenon is ending, why are we still talking about these goombah goobers? If you think about it (maybe after a few vodka and Red Bulls), the Strip is the Shore, the boardwalk super-sized, superficial and super-expensive.
I'm not saying this to put down the Shore, but rather to humble the Strip, which began as a honky-tonk street but has gotten grandiose, swell-headed.
Anyway, like a few million other Americans, I've grown to love this guido gang, particularly their lack of pretense or self-consciousness. Sure, they're probably ruined already by their insta-fame, but I almost look up to their life-loving attitude: always up for fun, food or a fight.
We're way beyond the point of shark-jumping overkill with Jersey Shore, but I sympathize with Rich Juzwiak on his hilarious fourfour blog:
"It's like [MTV] want us to get sick of it so that saying goodbye will be easier. Well, I've got news for you, everyone: No matter what, it's going to feel like someone punched me in the stomach when this thing goes off the air. Possibly because someone may reach out from the TV and literally punch me in the stomach. You never know with these people. I feel like the airwaves might not be enough to contain their rage for much longer."
*Gym/Tanning/Laundry: daily regimen of Pauly and The Situation
A few tips from Shore, applicable to the Strip:
1. Look: keep it fresh, or mint
2. Hair: should be windproof, waterproof, soccer-proof, motorcycle-proof, possibly bulletproof
3. Age: 27 is old
4. Clubwear: pants/breast coverage optional (females); T-shirts tight and sparkly (males)
5. No panties?: no problem — MTV will pixilate your ladyparts
6. Dancing: beat on the beat; guys dance with guys, girls with girls
7. Local dialect: drunk
8. Making out: multiple partners is de riguer
9. Relationship rule No. 1: not applicable when dancing to house music
10. Relationship rule No. 2: if you're into someone, you're gonna have sex
11. Pickles: a hilarious snack
12. House rules: don't bring home hippos, elephants, zoo creatures, grenades, grenade-launchers
13. Violence: only serious when you're on the receiving end; otherwise hilarious!