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Checklist: Absinthe ringleader the Gazillionaire

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The Gazillionaire and his gold tooth welcome you.

Best way to drink absinthe: Next to a beautiful woman. Or, if she isn’t beautiful, she should at least have large breasts.

The Details

Absinthe
Begins March 28; Tuesday, Thursday-Saturday, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m.; Wednesday & Sunday, 7:30 p.m.; $69-$124.
Spiegeltent at Caesars Palace, 731-7731

Best moustache in entertainment: I don’t think I can make this judgment, though Johnny Depp has that scruffy little thing going, and I guess it’s pretty hot. I might kiss that.

Worst moustache in entertainment: Salma Hayek. You know she gets all Frida when she’s on vacation. We don’t notice because of her breasts. But it’s there.

Your secret to getting so rich: Not telling nosy little journalists my secret to getting rich.

Stocks, bonds, or real estate? Cash. I never invest. I just like to spend money. And there always seems to be more of it. Sorry, poor people, I know you can’t relate, but it’s just so fun.

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