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March 23, 2010 · 9:15 AM

Can I get that cookie with some wild speculation, please?

By Rick Lax

Wow, way to go out on a limb here, guys.

Photo: Rick Lax

Recently, I went to Panda Express, and here’s what my fortune cookie said: “YOU MAY HAVE A NEW OPPORTUNITY SOON.”

Easily the worst fortune I’ve ever gotten.

The main problem is “MAY.” Just take it out, fortune cookie writer guy.

First of all, I understand that it’s a fortune cookie, not a legally enforceable contract. I understand that if an opportunity doesn’t present itself in the near future, I can’t sue you. And even if I did sue you, you’d win. I promise.

Second of all, even if it were a legally enforceable document, you could still remove the “MAY,” and bank on the fact that some opportunity would present itself to me in the near future.

Here’s an example defense: “Mr. Lax, isn’t it true that just three days after eating at Panda Express, your friend, AJ, asked you whether you wanted to join him at Dino’s for karaoke and beer?”

In conclusion, if I want vague, guarded promises, I’ll go to a psychic. When I crack open a fortune cookie, I want wild speculation delivered with conviction.

ive got your opportunity for you ricky. im coming up vegas with some buddies friday and will be there through the weekend. what are you up to saturday? we're staying at the stratosphere. perhaps we meet up? my email is lopatin1@msu.edu

jon

Posted by: lopancake on 3/23/10 at 9:29 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Hiya Jon. My friend is in town visiting right now, but we don't have plans for Saturday , yet. Will let you know what's goin on soon.

PS, so glad we could share your email with all our readers. :)

Posted by: Rick Lax (Staff) on 3/24/10 at 2:07 a.m. (Suggest removal)

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