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How to throw the perfect ‘Lost’ series finale party

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I’ve spent the past few days wondering how, in just one episode, Lost could possibly answer all the questions its raised over the past six seasons. And here’s what I’ve realized: it can’t; there’s going to be a surprise seventh season. Accordingly, hosting a Lost series finale party on Sunday will probably just serve to make you look gullible in retrospect.

But if you think I’m wrong, if you’re confident that Abrams, Lindelof and Cuse can really wrap things this weekend, and if your friends think the same, then here are some quick tips for throwing the perfect Lost series finale party:

Avoid Noisy Foods and Drinks

No carrot sticks, no chips, no popcorn. You don’t want somebody crunching a celery stalk or popping a bottle of champagne during a key bit of dialogue. So offer cheese, squash, brownies and water. Download free Dharma Initiative food labels, here.

Open The Whole House

All your guests will want to use the restroom at the same time: the commercial breaks. One bathroom isn’t going to cut it. So go to your room, pick up your clothes (for once), wipe the hair from your sink, and let your friends use your upstairs bathroom. You can Download free DHARMA Initiative toilet paper wrapping here.

Call in Sick

ABC is going to show Jimmy Kimmel Lost finale special promos during every commercial break. So when midnight rolls around, your friends are going to want to watch it, even if they told you otherwise beforehand. Plan on it being a late night, in other words.

Find A New Purpose in Life

Starting Monday, you’re going to have a big, gaping, existential hole in your life. (Think Jack, seasons one through four.) You’ll likely experience depression, anxiety and feelings of purposelessness. You’ll need something new in your life to look forward to, a new purpose. So plan another party, begin smoking, or maybe write a Lost fan fiction opera. Or just re-watch season one.

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Rick Lax

Rick wrote the books Fool Me Once: Hustlers, Hookers, Headliners, and How Not to Get Screwed in Vegas and Lawyer ...

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