Las Vegas Weekly

October 20, 2010 · 2:43 PM

The only interesting incompetent cashier story in history

By Rick Lax

Something about this doesn't add up....

I hate incompetent cashier stories. They’re all boring and they’re all the same. So I tune them out, the same way I tune out stories of potential traffic accidents (e.g., “So I was in the right lane, heading east, and the truck was making a left on Decatur, heading south, from the far lane…”).

That said, I’ve got the best incompetent cashier story for you. And here it is:

I’m at the gym, and I ask my workout partner Hannah if she ever drinks protein shakes after her workouts. She says that she doesn’t, but that she’d like to try.

So I tell the girl behind the smoothie bar this:

“We’ll have two ‘Berry Me’ shakes, but one of them with half protein. Hannah here doesn’t usually get protein shakes, so I don’t want it to taste too chalky for her.”

I pay the cashier, chat up Hannah a bit, and then, when I look behind the counter, I see the cashier pouring our shakes from the same blender.

“I asked for one of them with half protein,” I say.

“I know,” the cashier replies.

“I mean that I wanted one of the shakes—the one for Hannah—to have half the usual amount of protein.”

“I know,” the cashier says again.

“Okay, but if both shakes are coming out of the same blender, then they both have the same amount of protein. And I wanted the full amount of protein in mine.

“I heard what you said.”

The cashier is getting annoyed.

“If you’re pouring both shakes out of the same blender,” I explain, “then they both have the same amount of protein. So unless you’re planning to dump some extra protein into my shake without blending it, which would be gross, I don’t think you understood the order.”

“Oh, I understood your order. I discussed it with my boss, when you two were over there talking. I went back, and he said it was fine. So it’s fine.”

If I were alone or with an old friend, I would have revved up my fight. I would have demanded to speak to the boss. But Hannah and I had just met, so I let it slide.

But come on.

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