Las Vegas Weekly

January 19, 2012 · 11:17 AM

The Monti Rock swag bag

By Rick Lax

Monti Rock III just gave me the, uh, somethingist swag bag in history. But before we discuss its contents, let me explain the context:

My new book, I Get Paid For This: Kicking Ass and Taking Notes in Vegas came out this week. It includes an essay I wrote about Mr. Rock (a former disco superstar/celebrity hairdresser) two years ago. Monti was a fan of the essay.

So I invited Mr. Rock to the book release party. He was the first to show up. And the first to leave. That’s how it is with superstars: Make an appearance and onto the next function.

Before he left, he gave me a brown paper bag. Here’s what I found inside:

-A blonde doll without pants.

-Two value size bags of Pine Bros Softish Throat Drops. Natural honey flavored.

-A 375 ml bottle of whiskey, signed by Monti Rock III.

-A photo album with the words “Believe! A gift from Monti Rock, 2012” scribbled across the cover. Also the back.

-A Ghirardelli bar and a box of Godiva hot chocolate, signed by Monti Rock III.

-A bottle of red wine tied up in a bright red sock.

-A flyer for Club Asylum, a proposed nightclub that would feature “Women in the 40 age bracket dressing in men’s tailored suits, hair pulled back, in a uni-sex role. The door person should be a Dietrich type cabaret barker. She will set the tone.”

-A ticket stub for Rich Little’s May 25th, 2011 performance at Riviera.

-Six business cards for Levy’s Bagels & Deli.

-Nine other business cards, including one for “Mohammed Ahmed El-Asairy, Ministry of Interior, Saudi Arabia Al-Riad.” The home phone number is written in using blue pen.

-Six PLAYBILLS from various Vegas productions.

-Two Monti Rock III DVDs.

-Six copies of the CD Ronnie Rose Unforgettable Hits.

-Six printed out photos of Monti Rock III.

-Two personalized greeting cards. One of them features an African American woman in red and purple headdress. The other one features a male action figure’s pelvis sodomizing a female action figure’s pelvis with a miniature candy cane. Both cards are signed by Monti Rock III.

So, in conclusion, I’d say the party went pretty damn well.

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