Monti Rock III just gave me the, uh, somethingist swag bag in history. But before we discuss its contents, let me explain the context:
My new book, I Get Paid For This: Kicking Ass and Taking Notes in Vegas came out this week. It includes an essay I wrote about Mr. Rock (a former disco superstar/celebrity hairdresser) two years ago. Monti was a fan of the essay.
So I invited Mr. Rock to the book release party. He was the first to show up. And the first to leave. That’s how it is with superstars: Make an appearance and onto the next function.
Before he left, he gave me a brown paper bag. Here’s what I found inside:
-A blonde doll without pants.
-Two value size bags of Pine Bros Softish Throat Drops. Natural honey flavored.
-A 375 ml bottle of whiskey, signed by Monti Rock III.
-A photo album with the words “Believe! A gift from Monti Rock, 2012” scribbled across the cover. Also the back.
-A Ghirardelli bar and a box of Godiva hot chocolate, signed by Monti Rock III.
-A bottle of red wine tied up in a bright red sock.
-A flyer for Club Asylum, a proposed nightclub that would feature “Women in the 40 age bracket dressing in men’s tailored suits, hair pulled back, in a uni-sex role. The door person should be a Dietrich type cabaret barker. She will set the tone.”
-A ticket stub for Rich Little’s May 25th, 2011 performance at Riviera.
-Six business cards for Levy’s Bagels & Deli.
-Nine other business cards, including one for “Mohammed Ahmed El-Asairy, Ministry of Interior, Saudi Arabia Al-Riad.” The home phone number is written in using blue pen.
-Six PLAYBILLS from various Vegas productions.
-Two Monti Rock III DVDs.
-Six copies of the CD Ronnie Rose Unforgettable Hits.
-Six printed out photos of Monti Rock III.
-Two personalized greeting cards. One of them features an African American woman in red and purple headdress. The other one features a male action figure’s pelvis sodomizing a female action figure’s pelvis with a miniature candy cane. Both cards are signed by Monti Rock III.
So, in conclusion, I’d say the party went pretty damn well.