Las Vegas Weekly

May 4, 2012 · 9:41 AM

Board game hypocrisy

By Rick Lax

Monopoly.

Photo: Hasbro

When it comes to board games, all y’all are a bunch of posers.

Let me explain:

Everybody goes on and on about how much they love Stratego, Catch Phrase, and Apples to Apples. Most of my friends claim a particular affinity for board games. And they’re always telling me that they’re going to hold Board Game Nights and invite me.

Never happens.

Everybody talks the talk, but nobody plays the play.

And when people do play the play, they don’t play by the rules. Sorry, but if we’re playing Scattergories and the letter is “S” and the category is “Things Found Underwater,” “small fish” ain’t gonna to cut it. Not on my watch. And don’t tell me that I’m being a competitive asshole; I’m just saying what nobody else has the guts to say: That you need to put on your big boy pants and play the game like mommy and daddy.

Seaweed, seahorse, swordfish, silverfish, salmon—just off the top of my head. It’s not that hard.

Oh, and if you start a game of Monopoly with me, you better finish it. Seriously, when we roll the die to see who goes first, we enter into a tacit contract. We agree that we’re going to finish what we start. Does it really surprise you that Monopoly takes a really long

time? Is this your first day on earth?

In conclusion, why does nobody want to play a board game with me?

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