Las Vegas Weekly

November 28, 2012 · 9:57 AM

Excessive tagging prevents perfect underpants

By Rick Lax

Seems like a lot of info for underwear. Just sayin'.

I’m not particular about many things. Which gin do I want in my martini? Don’t care; can’t taste the difference. What size shirt do I wear? Whatever; I can make anything from small to extra-large work.

But one thing I’m very particular about is underwear. I only wear H&M boxer briefs. They’re the La-Z-Boy recliners of undergarments—everything else feels like a Starbucks chair by comparison.

The only uncomfortable thing about them is the tags. There are six of ‘em in each pair. That’s 18 tags per three-pack! And each tag has writing on both sides. (36 pages of tag text per pack.) And the tags sit right above your butt crack and they’re almost impossible to tear out.

Look, H&M, I know it’s important to say that your underwear is made of 95 percent cotton and 5 percent elastic, but do you have to say it in every language known to man? Is this a marketing thing (i.e., H&M is so cosmopolitan!) or a legal thing (i.e., “My Klingon-speaking client wouldn’t have choked if she knew this was made of 5 percent elastic”)?

H&M, please consider taking a page out of the Hanes/Fruit of the Loom playbook and print “95% Cotton/5% Elastic” on the actual fabric. You’re this close to having the perfect pair of men’s underpants.

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