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Doing it all for the ducks

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It wouldn’t be very clever if Cleverboy shared his card number, now would it?
Photo: Rick Lax

I don’t care about ducks one way or the other. Don’t like ‘em, don’t dislike ‘em. But when it came time to pick a Bank of America credit card design, I picked the one by Ducks Unlimited.

I’m no conservationist; I just liked the duck photo on it. Green head, yellow bill, brown & purple wings, orange feet—badass bird, right? Like a goofy prince. Plus, I was told, one billionth of every cent I spend—something like that—would go to helping ducks, which was fine by me.

The months went by and I made more and more purchases on the card. I began to feel good about myself for helping the ducks in my own little way, until I had this conversation with a barista:

“You a fellow hunter?” she asked.

“No,” I said, “This card is for Ducks Unlimited.”

“I know,” she said. “I’m a member.”

“You’re a member of Ducks Unlimited and a duck hunter?” I asked, not getting it. “I thought Ducks Unlimited helped conserve wetlands.”

“We do,” she explained. “We conserve the wetlands to help the ducks, so we can shoot them.”

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Rick Lax

Rick wrote the books Fool Me Once: Hustlers, Hookers, Headliners, and How Not to Get Screwed in Vegas and Lawyer ...

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