Las Vegas Weekly

September 2, 2010 · 11:32 AM

The sad, miserable life of a castrated rooster

By Jet Tila

You know what’s messed up? There are certain animals that have a totally rough life, and I feel bad for them. The king or, perhaps, queen? of shitty animal luck is the capon. What is a capon you ask? Well, let me tell you.

So, you take a cockerel (rooster) and he starts his life off all happy. He looks forward to the days when he’s going to rule the roost. He’s looking forward to big pimpin’ it boss style—pickin’ out the ladies and bringing them back to his coop. So, this up and coming rooster is just chilling and waiting to grow up when ... KA-BLAM! They grab him and surgically remove his testes and send him back out into life as less of a man (male chicken, rooster, whatever). This, my friends, is the poor capon.

So, why do people do this sort of violence? Well, a post-op capon starts getting fat and is double the size of normal, virile roosters. He loses his aggression, so they pen him up with other miserable capons, something you could never do with roosters. And, at the end of the day, this guy hits the table as a tasty meal. Don’t get me wrong, I feel terrible for the fate of the capon, but heck if I wouldn’t wanna roast one off right now with a little mashed tatties and some pan gravy!

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