Las Vegas Weekly

August 18, 2008 · 6 AM

Wallace has all the answers — and most of the questions

By George Wallace

Flamingo headliner George Wallace, billed as "The New Mr. Las Vegas."

Hello my fellow Americans. Welcome to the fastest growing city in America. That’s because people come here, lose all their money, and can’t go home.

But since you are here in the entertainment capital of the world, you might as well take advantage of it. Whatever you are in need of, we have it in this city. The good thing about Las Vegas is that this city offers the best of what you aspire to have.

You want laughter? There’s no city on Earth that can offer professional comedy like Las Vegas. On any particular week in Las Vegas you can find as many as ten of the top comedians in the world all within twenty blocks. These are Las Vegas blocks, which means a mile or three.

You can start with the “Best 10PM Show” in Las Vegas, the George Wallace I Be Thinkin’ Show. That’s me, a show that guarantees a different performance every night. I want my customers to see a show like no other in America. Something different, something fresh, something exciting, and most important something they can go home and talk about.

Have a luxurious evening of comedy at a show where you never know what’s going to happen. It’s a mixture of the old Vegas days of Sammy Davis Jr., Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Don Rickles, Redd Foxx, and the new era of reality. You never know who might step up on stage. Surprise guests such as my best friend for 32 years, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, out of the blue walk on stage. Chris Rock, Chris Tucker, Paul Schaffer, Jennifer Holliday, WAR, to the great Sly and the Family Stone, plus gospel greats Yolanda Adams and Dottie Peoples.

The elements of surprise –- free, exciting gifts. You never know what George Wallace is giving away, except money. You can count on money given out every night. We also give away certificates to the best restaurants in town, free airfare for two to Hawaii or Acapulco, a three day-two night return trip to Vegas, and everybody loves qualifying to win a brand new Mercedes Smart Car.

But to enjoy Las Vegas, the best thing you can do is laff. Not only with me, but with my funny comedian friends Carrot Top (Luxor), Bobby Slayton (Hooters), Rita Rudner (Harrah’s), Louis Anderson (Excalibur), The Amazing Jonathan (Planet Hollywood), Jay Leno (Mirage), Jerry Seinfeld (Caesars), and Wanda Sykes (Planet Hollywood). Don’t miss Anthony Cools at the Paris with an evening of clean dirty jokes.

When you’re broke, LAFF IT OFF. No matter what the situation is, LAFF IT OFF. When drivers cut you off in traffic and give you the finger, LAFF IT OFF. When bill collectors call you at the dinner table, LAFF IT OFF. If you walk in and catch your parents making love … NO! HELLO NO! THAT’S JUST NASTY! Yeah, go ahead and laff.

Do me a favor, live a luxurious life with laughter. You’ll look better, you’ll live better, and you’ll feel better.

George Wallace.

We let George do a fun Luxe Life interview with himself. Here are his questions -- and here are the answers! Somehow in the madcap world of comedy- it works!

1. LL: Are you better off today than you were eight years ago?

GW: Hell no!

2. LL: Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

GW: Hell yeah!

3. LL: Are you concerned about this economy?

GW: Yes I am! Nothing is in my favor. Not gas, not housing, not investments, not travel, not education, and certainly not food.

4. LL: Is the price of gas too high for you?

GW: The gas prices are so high, in L.A. the Bloods and the Crips be rollin’ together.

5. LL: Do you or do you not support the war?

GW: I always support our troops, but not necessarily the war- the Iraqi war.

6. LL: Is crime too high in your city?

GW: The crime is so high they are trying to change the emergency number to 9.

7. LL: Are you trapped and bored?

GW: I’m not and you shouldn’t be either. Start living you dream. Work it out. You can have what you want to have, you can do what you want to do, and you can be what you want to be.

8. LL: Do we you need a transformation in our lives?

GW: Come see Dr. Wallace 10PM appointments Tuesday – Saturday at the Flamingo.

9. LL: Are you thankful?

GW: Everyday, and you should be too.

10. LL: Are you blessed?

GW: I’m so blessed I’m embarrassed. If the man upstairs never gives me anything else, what He already has given is enough.

11. LL: Do you know your purpose for being on Earth?

GW: To give back. Surprise someone with love, friendship or laughter. Make somebody happy today.

12. LL: Why don’t we laff more?

GW: There’s no prescription better than laughter.

13. LL: What makes you happy?

GW: Seeing happy people. Seeing happy people makes me even happier.

14. LL: Why don’t we travel more?

GW: I do and you should too! I teach young people every day, when you finish school, get on a plane and travel. See how other people live. Charge it to your parents.

15. LL: Do you have parents?

GW: No. If you do, show them some love. If you don’t, you know exactly what I mean.

16. LL: Do you have kids?

GW: Yes. Show them some love, all day, everyday. That’s the most important responsibility.

17. LL: Do you need a friend?

GW: All I can get. See Dr. Wallace 10 p.m. Tuesday – Saturday at the Flamingo.

18. LL: Who’s your best friend?

GW: JS. 32 years strong.

19. LL: Is Las Vegas the right place for you?

GW: Most definitely. If not, get the hell out!

20. LL: Do you love you?

GW: Most Definitely. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Just think, what would this world be if everybody was just like me. Ask yourself this question.

Flamingo headliner George Wallace recently took a break from his Strip show to perform at Just for Laughs.

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