Las Vegas Weekly

August 11, 2009 · 5:45 AM

Napoleon dishes about famous mommy (Hint: She’s a Peepshow star)

By Robin Leach

Holly Madison and her dog Napoleon.

Photo: Beverly Poppe

While Mr. Vegas DeLuxe Robin Leach is on vacation and attempting to work as little as possible from afar, Vegas DeLuxe will be featuring celebrity guest columnists for the first half of this month until Robin’s return. If you’re knowledgeable about Las Vegas, the names should be familiar. Today, it’s Napoleon, the new pup owned by Peepshow star Holly Madison. Or is it the other way around?!

By Napoleon

It all started a few months ago at a pet adoption fair at the Petco in Summerlin. There I was, chillin’ in a crate on the covered, shaded sidewalk of a mini-mall when a blonde girl chirping about the “blonde Toto” she was looking for kept strolling by with a particularly good-looking brunette friend. She walked a few scruffy-looking blondies not ambitious enough to take the initiative of bonding with her before asking to see me, since her brunette hottie buddy kept pointing out how cute I was.

Now, I wasn’t really worried about being adopted. I knew someone would want me. I was my previous owner’s favorite, and he had many from which to choose. He and his mother were “dog hoarders,” apparently having a whole “crazy cat lady” canine equivalent running around when Nevada allows a human to own only three dogs at a time. So one day my sister Geisha (who my new mommy has promised to someday track down and schedule a play date) and I were taken to a dog rescue to await a new home. My sister and I are both really cute, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, when Blondie and Hottie took me out of the cage to walk me around inside the Petco, I immediately jumped into Blondie’s lap, producing the desired effect of “this is the one! He loves me! It was meant to be!” and subsequent fastest adoption ever.

We then moved into a sprawling suite at Planet Hollywood, where to my delight, I found out the brunette hottie (name: Laura Croft) was my new mommy’s roommate, occupying the room next door to our suite. To my disappointment, I discovered she has her own canine companion, a Shih Tzu named Farnell. I attack him when we are upstairs, but if I run into him while being walked on the grounds, I am really excited to see my old buddy. Not really. I just want to get close to Laura.

Photo: Holly Madison

Holly Madison's dog Napoleon.

Some of the highlights of my new life as “Vegas Dog,” as my eccentric new mommy likes to call me, include taking a dump in the background of her intro video to her new Web site (luckily, Mommy appreciates my sense of humor); getting the world’s biggest doggy gift basket from Robert Earl and Tom McCartney; eating a fried chicken dinner at The Hugh Hefner Suite at the Palms (subsequent diarrhea convincing Mommy never to give me such a “special occasion” meal again); looking up all the girls’ skirts in the P.H. elevators; becoming the “only dog allowed,” according to the begrudging mall cops at The Miracle Mile shops; taking over the Peepshow dressing rooms (men of the world, envy me); and being the only blonde in town Michael Boychuck can’t take credit for (he adores Mommy so much, he has offered to give me the full treatment).

So why am I sitting at Mommy’s MacBook Air telling you the story of my life? She was asked to cover one of Robin Leach’s vacation days and do a 10-paragraph blog about anything she wants. But then she got too busy. The grand plans of running around town and investigating local urban legends with Vegas’ No. 1 Most Eligible Bachelor Joshua Strickland were pushed aside due to photo shoots that ran long, impromptu cast get-togethers and last-minute press opportunities. So I had to take over and cover Mommy’s butt (which could use some covering, literally. We see too much of it.)

Photo: Holly Madison

Holly Madison's dog Napoleon.

If you ask me, she could get a lot more done if she would spend more time on her goals and less time chasing that fellow around that plays the Big Bad Wolf. I hardly think he’s interested, anyway. He is a choreographer, after all … and Mommy didn’t exactly win Dancing With the Stars.

So here I am, writing my little diary for your enjoyment. It’s probably much more relevant than anything Mommy would have done anyway. Plus, I think Robin likes me better. :) I have included a picture of him painting a sheep on Mommy’s dressing room wall. She wants all of her dressing room visitors to paint a personalized sheep on her wall, thus creating “the most interesting dressing room in town.” She was inspired by Carrot Top’s orange college dorm room meets 1970s van backstage area.

Photo: Holly Madison

Robin Leach decorates Holly Madison's Peepshow dressing room with a painting of a sheep.

Photo: Holly Madison

Robin Leach painted this sheep on Holly Madison's Peepshow dressing room wall.

Now for the important stuff ... a little about me! I am half Pekingese, half “whatever snuck through the back fence,” according to the lady who worked at the pet adoption fair. I am looking to reunite with my sister Geisha, who looks exactly like me but is bleach white. I am neutered but still appreciate a pretty girl when I see one. I am a dog’s dog. I don’t dress up, and I will never be carried in a purse. I enjoy regular walks and going to the bathroom outdoors.

My turn ons include Laura Croft, treats and showing people who’s boss. In fact, I recently destroyed Mommy’s manager’s Blackberry, glasses and Knicks hat in two seconds flat. My turn offs include dorks who are scared of dogs, canine couture and anything that stands in my way. My name is Napoleon, after all. They named a store in The Miracle Mile and a bar in Paris Las Vegas after me. My goals include replacing the random dog in the Peepshow opening video, becoming a model, conquering Las Vegas and then the world. The sun should never set on the Napoleonic Empire.

Photo: Tom Donoghue/www.donoghuephotography.com

Laura Croft and Holly Madison check out the ruby red slippers designed by Betsey Johnson.

It’s magic, folks! Our celebrity guest columnist is Flamingo headliner magician Nathan Burton, who recently performed on America’s Got Talent and was on the red carpet for Vegas magazine and Usher’s party at The Playboy Club in the Palms last Friday.

Robin Leach has been a journalist for more than 50 years and has spent the past decade giving readers the inside scoop on Las Vegas, the world’s premier platinum playground.

Follow Robin Leach on Twitter HERE.

Follow Vegas DeLuxe on Twitter HERE.

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