Las Vegas Weekly

August 3, 2010 · 11:14 AM

Las Vegas is the Funniest City in America. That’s right, we’re No. 1

By Robin Leach

George Wallace performs at the Flamingo Showroom on March 23, 2010.

Photo: Scott Harrison/Retna/www.harrisonphotos.com

From July 14 through Aug. 2, Robin Leach relaxed under the Tuscan sun on his annual vacation and kept his eyes on what’s happening in Las Vegas from Italy. Meantime, a kindly crew of Las Vegas celebrities and VIPs agreed to write guest columns for Vegas DeLuxe.

By George Wallace, guest columnist

Nobody talks about the greatest medical city, yet laughter has been noted as the greatest medicine in the world.

What I’m saying is that if you’re sick, down and out, depressed, broke, ugly, rich, beautiful, bald, blind, crippled or tongue-tied, there’s one thing we all have in common: laughter. If you can’t laugh in Las Vegas, you’ll never be happy. Just think about the new Sky Jump at the Stratosphere. People paying $100 to jump to where they just came from. Well, that’s actually $20 to jump and $80 to clean up your sh*t.

The weather. It’s so hot in August, 115 degrees at midnight, but with the wind chill factor, it drops to 108 degrees … somewhat chilly. The new CityCenter. What a beautiful place … except the names are so different. Aria and Vdara … Vdara, you’d have second thoughts about staying at a place with a big Vd on top … people think it’s a clinic.

The M. The best hotel in Las Vegas, although your cab fare will be higher than your airfare to get there. Mayor Oscar Goodman can sip with the best of them… I had lunch with him. Tried to keep up … I was so hammered, I picked up a lady, thought she was a 10, woke up the next morning, and the decimal point moved over.

Carrot Top at the Luxor is, without a doubt, the strongest/strangest man in Las Vegas. His performance will definitely lift you up. Anthony Cools at Paris I think is one of the funniest hypnotists alive. I’m afraid to look him in the eye because I think he’ll steal my bank account number. Louie Anderson at the Palace Station. Big laughs there and a very nice man. Terry Fator at The Mirage … thousands of funny characters and a clean family show. Still kicking ass!

Brad Garrett’s Comedy Club at the Tropicana … Everybody Loves Brad. The Amazing Johnathan at Harmon Theater has more than 10 years of bizarre jokes and magic. Have you been to The Improv lately? You never know who you will see there … always three great comedians. And how about the crazy George Wallace? Still being creative with topical humor, making jokes about President Obama, LeBron James, Lindsey Lohan, Nancy Grace, Harry Reid, Oprah Winfrey, Dick Cheney, Judge Judy and, of course, our government.

You know why the government is broke? It’s the Scooter Store … that’s where all our money is going. Every old person I know has a brand new power chair from the Scooter Store, and they get on TV and brag about it … “I didn’t pay one penny for my scooter from the Scooter Store!” Well, somebody had to … us!

I’m George Wallace at the Fabulous Flamingo, home of the Best 10 p.m. Show. I love you, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it!

Strip headliner Greg London and Strip House executive chef John Schenk are our final guest columnists tomorrow.

Robin Leach has been a journalist for more than 50 years and has spent the past decade giving readers the inside scoop on Las Vegas, the world’s premier platinum playground.

Follow Robin Leach on Twitter at Twitter.com/Robin_Leach.

Follow Vegas DeLuxe on Twitter at Twitter.com/vegasdeluxe.

Follow VDLX Editor Don Chareunsy on Twitter at Twitter.com/VDLXEditorDon.

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