Las Vegas Weekly

April 21, 2009 · 8:15 PM

10 Random Tips for Pool Party Season

By Deanna Rilling

Can you spot the "PDF" in this photo?

Photo: Justin M. Bowen

1. The Obvious: Wear Sunscreen

As Baz Luhrmann warned us in the late ‘90s, slather up with some SPF. No doubt many of you look like lobsters after pool hopping last weekend. As much as you’d like to use the “First I burn, then I’m bronze” line, you should know better by now; you’re doing permanent damage and run the risk of looking like Magda from There’s Something About Mary. Besides, sun fades tribal tattoos and you wouldn’t want that, would you? If you did burn to a crisp, we highly recommend Solarcaine to aid in your recovery. And check the expiration date on your sunblock (we learned that one the hard way).

2. PDA, not PDF

Put booze and beautiful people together, someone’s bound to get some booty. Hardcore tonsil hockey is a given and mostly we’ve learned to look the other way—or gawk appreciatively. But there’s a fine line (and a little fabric) between Public Displays of Affection and Public Displays of Fornication… Yeah, we saw you at Rehab. You know who you are. You just might not know who the other person was the next day.

3. Lose the sweater

With a plethora of grooming services and at-home treatments available, there’s no excuse for furry back hair anymore. While it may be good at protecting your delicate flesh from the sun’s rays, that’s the only “pro” we can think of. Bears belong in the wild, not a pool.

(Note: Chest hair is still acceptable… on males only.)

4. Be a poolside pauper

We know we’re in a recession. This isn’t the Oscars; you can wear the same swimsuit to more than one party this summer and save some cash for booze. ‘Nuff said.

5. Don’t slip ‘n’ Slide

Those stilettos might work at the club—until you rip them off in pain 45 minutes after putting them on—but you’re going to bite it big time poolside. If you insist on going for the runway look, spend a couple of bucks for non-slip grip pads for the bottom of your shoes and spare us the awkward crotch shot when you take an unfortunate tumble.

6: Bring the bare essentials

Chances are, you might leave your belongings unattended at some point… and your stuff might get jacked. Have we become so completely vain in Vegas we have to bring our complete arsenal of hair products and/or Mac cosmetics to the pool? If you can keep the essentials, such as your license and debit card (both are pretty waterproof), on your person and you’re able to live without your cell phone for a few hours, you’ll have a better time splashing around. Then, bring a cheap plastic grocery bag with your towel and sunscreen—it’s less likely to be rifled through than a designer tote.

7. Gonaherpasyphilaids

When heading home from the pool, consider picking up a regimen of penicillin and, for the ladies, possibly the morning after pill. Who knows what’s floating in those murky waters by the end of the day? Ick.

8. A round of H2O for everyone!

100 plus degree Fahrenheit temps and alcohol do not a healthy person make. It looks like some folks need a reminder to drink water judging by the looming presence of paramedics and multiple people leaving on stretchers last weekend. And remember H2O is mother nature’s hangover cure.

9. Daylife does not equal nightlife

Ladies, unless there’s a specific themed party, stop wearing bathing suits to clubs. Okay, bikini tops can look cute on the right chick, but this mono-kini paring with jeans just isn’t working for us. Unless you’re going somewhere that requires a towel, leave the bathing suit at home.

10. News Flash: Pools are filled with water

If you’re sitting poolside, quit bitching if you get splashed. In case you’ve forgotten, you’re at a pool. Don’t get pissy if your sky-high Mohawk goes limp from the water or your spackling of cosmetics runs down your face. We’re not sure when the pool became a fashion show, but it’s taking the fun out of summer.

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