1. It cost $7 to attend the Unlucky Holiday Party at Boomers. The irony kills, but that's okay. The Slow Poisoner was selling genuine miracle tonic.
2. Nobody was afraid to dance, least of all Rooks drummer Jonathan Realmuto. "I'm better at drumming," the admittedly inebriated attendee told the Weekly, "but I have a passion for dancing."
3. Yeller Bellies frontman broke out an, uhh, instrument that many in the audience were convinced was a bong. He played it with a violin string. It still may have been a bong.
4. It was decided that The Mad Caps are the best duo ever. "I haven't seen a two-man band this good since... ever, actually," a newfound fan gushed to Ted Rader and John Bolduc. "Fuck the White Stripes."
5. Yeller Bellies released their newest CD, Here to Suffer. It includes a track — "She Blames it All on You" — about a prostitute and a theme song the band created for the B-movie Killer Biker Chicks.
6. Paige Overton proved she can wear anything and look amazing. The Clydesdale frontwoman skipped her usual cow-punk attire, opting instead for a dazzling blue-and-turquoise top and silver garland in her hair. If she were an ornament, you'd definitely want her on your tree.
7. The custom Yeller Bellies hefeweizen featuring a demented preacher on its label was marked "not for prophet."