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Stripped

Tales of the naked city, from a Las Vegas dancer.

12.2.08 · 2:15 PM

Hey Mom, check out the action in the VIP room

“Las cabezas las tienen basias,” my mom tells me as we were sitting at the stage. Loosely translated, she said my coworkers are morons. I took her to a strip club, to let her know what happened to me after moving to America, after the rug got pulled out from under me. She is visiting from my home country for about a week. It seems like a strange decision to take your mom to a strip club, but we have ... Read more...

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12.1.08 · 9:18 AM

Stripped of sound reasoning on Black Friday

“I can’t really be this stupid,” I thought as I drove to the mall after work at 5 a.m. on Black Friday. I had just had breakfast with another stripper before I got there. At breakfast, I kept telling her that she was a moron for participating in that capitalist cluster-f*** nightmare. There is nothing appealing about the lines, the crowds and the acquisition of entirely useless junk. She had been so excited for Black Friday all week. She is ... Read more...

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11.29.08 · 5:10 PM

A stripper thanksgiving: Adult films, tears, and a customer surrendering to the retch

At 5 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day morning I woke up and checked my text messages. In the darkness of my bedroom, I see that one of my friends just sent me a message and is, hence, awake. We seem to share erratic sleep patterns. It is a meaningful quality in my friends. I meet up with him and we have some drinks and talk for a while. We (I) decide it would be great if we went to a strip ... Read more...

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11.26.08 · 12:34 PM

Reminiscing about a giant, toucan-like meat beast

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and it will be the first year in memory that I am cooking absolutely nothing. I’ve cooked the entire meal for multiple families in past years. This year, I am going to drop in on several friends’ Thanksgivings and my degree of participation will be significantly decreased from previous years, but it will be just as important. I will be gifting whiskey. I figure we’ll all need a few drinks to deal with multiple culinary disasters, as ... Read more...

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11.22.08 · 1:36 PM

Inevitably, Mr. Cognac Breath resorts to violence

Fast asleep in the late morning of a weekday, I get a call from one of my stripper friends. “Hey” I answer, still half asleep and extremely comfortable in my high thread-count sheets with my two snuggly dogs. She was working in another state at the time. She asks, “What are you up to?” I answer honestly. “Nothing. You?” She explains to me that her boyfriend, who goes by some ridiculous alias, is at a bar on the opposite side ... Read more...

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11.19.08 · 5:04 PM

Schoolgirl costumes: A nod to pedophilia, or a mere return to adolescence ?

What do you think of schoolgirl costumes on strippers? I’ve heard various opinions on the association between schoolgirls and erotic fantasy. There are a large number of men who are attracted to schoolgirls, and I seek to fully understand this attraction. My opinion had been, until recently, that these men were borderline pedophiles, in a way. I believed that the attraction was based on the childlike quality of a school-aged girl. Men are hardwired to be attracted to youth. Biologically, ... Read more...

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11.13.08 · 1:31 PM

In Canada, stripper rules are decidedly loony

“So you’re a stripper in Vegas, eh?” asked a Canadian man at a strip club in Calgary. I answered in the affirmative. I just returned to Vegas from a short trip to Canada and, my goodness, it’s different there. Besides their keen fashion sense, which includes a love for denim and mullets, differences across the northern border extend to various other things. I was curious to find out what the difference is between Las Vegas strip clubs and Canadian strip ... Read more...

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11.10.08 · 9:19 PM

Sometimes, breaking a personal code can lead to a double-date with Eskimos

After a recent break up, I decided to accept a date when a date had been offered. It’s not that simple in this case, though. The man who asked me on a date was a customer. This sort of liaison is a big no-no by strip club rules. I believe it is clearly and specifically mentioned in every strip club contract that going on a date with a customer is against the rules. It’s not a shocker considering the exorbitant ... Read more...

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11.7.08 · 11:03 AM

What’s that on my trousers? “Stripper residue?”

I recently received a great picture from a friend. He went to a strip club wearing a pair of light-colored khakis, and after receiving some lap dances, he also received a pretty sizeable rust-colored stain on the front of his pants with a suspiciously high concentration of the residue on the groin area. He described the lap dance as very erotic. I would have called it messy. It looks like she was wearing really dark self tanner and just smeared ... Read more...

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11.4.08 · 8:05 PM

Did Halloween costume work? Oui oui!

Halloween weekend turned out to be fun and profitable. There was so much buildup that I am thinking I might even have post-Halloween depression. With all the costumes, candy and being scared out of your mind, who wouldn’t need a moment to decompress? I chose to work on Halloween because I cannot contain my good mood and positive energy and that often translates into a really good night. Customers like happy strippers and since I am such a curmudgeon on ... Read more...

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Cocktail of the Week

Cocktail of the Week Dec 4, 2008
by Xania Woodman

Smash Pumpkin

It's all about economy and recycling really. Wondering what to do with those leftover cans of pumpkin puree in the pantry, the bowl of decorative mini-pumpkins and all those seasonal ...
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