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Stripped

Tales of the naked city, from a Las Vegas dancer.

07.2.09 · 9:36 AM

It’s premiere time for the new boobs

My hair is dripping wet. I just got out of the shower. I am getting ready for work. I am going to work today for the first time since I got surgery, and I’m honestly scared. Everyone I know is going to see them for the first time. I didn’t anticipate that I would give two s**ts about people’s reactions but here I am, wondering if I should just take a nap instead of going to work. Saturday, I made ... Read more...

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06.28.09 · 11:19 PM

I heart New York, but it’s good to be back

What can I say about New York City that isn’t already common knowledge? It’s crowded, expensive, it smells like sewer and it’s the most amazing city on the planet. The humidity on the East coast gives me a moldy feeling but the place still has its merits. The bagels, for example, make up for a lot. The pizza makes up for the rest. The incredibly efficient public transportation is the cherry on top. The graffiti-ed dirty subway is so easy ... Read more...

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06.22.09 · 7:30 PM

This locale is not remotely like Las Vegas, which is OK

The night before the wedding of my friend, a former Las Vegas stripper, I can’t sleep so I sit and write. It’s late, after midnight. The wedding is in her conservative hometown on the East Coast. It’s my first time on the East Coast and I’m so excited about being here. Most of the lights are out in this three-story house. It’s actually two stories and a basement, which I believe qualifies as an entire story, but I’ve never had ... Read more...

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06.17.09 · 5:08 PM

CineVegas leaves memories of emotional pictures

So I never made it back to work over the weekend. I was too busy taking advantage of the open-bar parties at CineVegas. Every morning from Thursday to Monday I regretted being alive, but my spirits were quickly lifted at happy hour. A full day of throbbing headaches, feverish sweating and delirious nightmares and I’m almost feeling healthy again. CineVegas really is one of my favorite things ever. It’s like Christmas morning all night long for several days. I didn’t ... Read more...

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06.8.09 · 11:44 PM

Well enough to line dance, well enough to lap dance

I’m thinking about getting back to work at the end of this week. CineVegas also begins this week and runs through the weekend so I might actually be busy, which will be a good change from sitting around for two weeks doing absolutely nothing. I’ve simply spent way too much time being sedentary. I’m on summer vacation and I’m going nuts. I’ve had a lot of time to irritate my boyfriend on a daily basis. He’s has a 9 –to-5 ... Read more...

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06.2.09 · 3:28 PM

I’m rendered unconsicous; I wake up on a kid’s waterbed with new boobs

“It’s showtime!” the doctor yelled to the nurses. He walked out of the fluorescently lit room dressed in his water colored scrubs. That’s the last thing I remember before getting knocked out and physically altered. Moments before being unconscious, I had been furiously sucking on some sublingual tranquilizer pill while pacing this room that seemed especially small with all the medical equipment in it. “Have a seat” a nurse told me and pointed to a chair. I sat. She turned ... Read more...

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05.28.09 · 3:28 PM

A trip to the land of cow-tipping should leave us with a treasure chest

I am hours away from surgery and, naturally, I am entirely unsettled. I am going to be sliced open like a dead fish and stuffed like a turkey while I’m anesthetized. I’ve never been to the doctor for anything more serious than strep throat. Actually, I was dropped as a baby and my skull was cracked and that involved a lot of doctor visits. I don’t, however, remember that so it doesn’t count towards any experience I can compare to ... Read more...

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05.26.09 · 12:08 PM

Sometimes a dance is the ultimate dead show

Speaking of Memorial Day, a few days ago was the anniversary of my father’s death. I believe he still crosses my mind maybe one or more times a day, though I don’t really talk about him much. Captain Cake, my fellow stripper and good friend, says she thinks of me as a person who was hatched from an egg, a person without parents. Anyway, I think it’s creepy when I see men who look like him. I have a customer ... Read more...

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05.20.09 · 11:26 AM

A nasty, tactile wound is afoot

On my way out the door on Saturday night while I was rushing to get to work, I stepped on an exposed tack strip. I didn’t even know what a tack strip was until I was describing the incident to people. “You know that strip of wood underneath the carpet with the nails that stick up?” I would explain. “A tack strip?” a bouncer asked me. And at that moment, my home improvement vocabulary expanded exponentially. For practice, let’s use ... Read more...

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05.14.09 · 10:31 PM

I’m bored. I’m boring. Show me a good time. E-mail me.

Write me an e-mail at justice@lasvegassun.com to tell me your funny strip club stories. Write me anyway, actually, to ask or tell me anything. Send me pictures of your prized poodles, too. I’m bored and lonely and I could use some entertainment once in a while. I really am boring. Just the other day a customer asked me, “How does such a hot chick get so lame?” after I told him I don’t drink or smoke and I don’t really ... Read more...

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Cocktail of the Week

Cocktail of the Week Jul 2, 2009
by Xania Woodman

Lost Creek Crush

It’s 107 degrees out, my eyes are sweating, and the very thought of clothing makes me want to cry. Time for a trip down to DCR for George Austin Sproule’s ...
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