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Me talk dirty one day

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Dirty talk is a fine art that apparently incites great arousal -- and loosens wallets. At work, I’ve studied it and made attempts to use it properly but I certainly haven’t mastered this skill. I barely understand the appeal, but I am trying to figure out its proper usage.

Through witnessing some conversations by dirty talk experts (experienced strippers) and through my own trial and error, I have discovered that there are a few basic ingredients to structure some dirty talk. Trials have resulted mostly in error but I’m learning the ropes, slowly but surely. So take notes. You might spice up your own social interactions with a few lessons I can share by my observations in the field. At this point in my college career, I’ve really taken too many anthropology classes for my own good.

Dirty talk may or may not be structured in the form of a question. “Do you like?” or “Do you want?” are often safe bets. Dirty talk may also be a command or a declaration in sentences that begin with “You will” or “I like,” respectively. Participants address each other in degrading names like “bitch,” or other words that I don’t suppose are appropriate for public websites. Terms for parental figures such as “daddy” are also a common choice in which to address one another. “Who’s your daddy?” is a simple lead to an obvious answer. “My Daddy? His name is Bob and he lives in Minnesota,” would be the incorrect answer, whether or not it’s the truth.

The meat of this interaction is when participants describe certain acts. A simple formula for these acts is to mention a bodily protrusion going into an orifice. This seems easy enough but there are many combinations of protrusion to orifice that aren’t appealing to all participants. There are a few crowd-pleaser combinations, but some are just bizarre. These things are, in general, radically subjective. Throwing in some bodily fluid couldn’t hurt. If we put this formula together, in building blocks of arousing statements, we could result in a statement like, “I’ll stick my nipple in your butt and then I’ll spit on your butt.” I’ve actually told a customer this while we were in the VIP room. It didn’t flow properly, for whatever reason. Maybe I really do need more practice. I have yet to develop a foolproof formula. Or maybe I should leave this fine art to people who have a knack for it. The most challenging part of the whole thing, however, is keeping a straight face.

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