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Recession byproduct: Strippers aren’t picking up poop with dollar bills

Of course the recession has hit strippers hard. It hit us really hard, harder than our loser boyfriends hit us. With a drop in discretionary income for the average male and the widespread panic about the recession, there are fewer men and fewer dollars congregating at strip clubs. That isn’t really news. Everyone knows that entertainment is the first thing to get cut from the family budget. I hadn’t been especially worried. I had figured there would be some reduction in earnings, but I felt safer than people in other industries. We don’t really get fired or laid off. We go away when there is no work. Every day there were customers willing to chip in at least a bit. “It’s nice to sit with a beautiful woman and forget your problems,” I’ve heard several customers say. It’s an important part of anyone’s budget if you ask me. Things have changed though.

When things were good, I was picking up my dog’s poop with dollar bills when I was out of napkins and doggy poop bags. A little-known fact is that dollars serve a variety of purposes besides just having monetary value. I’m a responsible pet owner for eliminating his trail but admittedly not necessarily responsible with money when I carelessly picked up those soft serve truffles. How could I have seen such hard times coming though? Certainly, I’ve saved enough to keep me afloat for a while, but I am now spending more than I’m earning. Just how hard are the times? Well just last week I worked a shift where I made a profit of two dollars. Things will change, though. They always do. It’s just around the corner. If I don’t believe that, I need to change industries.

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