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I will miss New Year’s Eve, but I won’t miss the chafed butt

I wish I was going to work this New Year’s Eve, but I am out of town. New Year’s Eve is not only a great chance to wear a goofy, sparkly hat and drink enough champagne to sink a ship, it is easily the most profitable holiday of the year. Last year during the countdown I was onstage. I was topless and holding on to a pole with one hand and counting down “Five! Four! Three! Two! One!” with the other hand. When the clock struck 12, I found myself in a storm of cash. Bills rained from the tourists and were tossed onstage like party confetti. There was barely any room to lap dance in the whole place but the demand for lap dances was high. The night typically marks the end of a very slow Holiday season. Christmas and Thanksgiving are spent with family and New Year’s Eve is spent with people you love … like strippers.

Last New Year’s Eve, I gave so many lap dances my butt was red and sore the next day. I went to work the following night and I remember that rubbing up against people’s jeans was torture. I felt like my sensitive butt skin would surely bleed at any moment while performing consecutive lap dances. My feet were also killing me, so standing up during lap dances was another form of New Year’s Day torture. Yes, it was painful but I am not complaining. It would take me two or three weeks to earn the money I earned on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. I am sad to miss out on work this year but I am glad to be ringing in the New Year in Jamaica’s warm weather. I am actually writing from an open-air patio with a beach view, enjoying some Caribbean rum. I will miss you anyway, Las Vegas. Have fun but don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Happy New Year!

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