Las Vegas Weekly

July 1, 2008 · 5:13 PM

Oh, how to handle these stacks of cash?

By Justice

Illustration: Justice

My friends never have any money. I ask friends from work if they want to go out, but they rarely can afford it. They are on the cusp of eviction from their weekly apartment or in a bad gambling debt. I’m talking about people who have been earning piles of cash for years and have nothing to show for it.

I asked a girl at work, “Do bank tellers ever give you a hard time when you bring them all those singles? Mine are so nosy.” She tells me, “Girl, I don’t have a bank account.” She was probably in her 30s.

Actually, my usual bank teller did scare me away from going to that particular branch. I used to bring in a lot of cash to that bank. I brought stacks of crinkled singles bound together by rubber bands in bricks of hundreds, along with the usual 20s and hundreds. This particularly nosy bank teller, however, always asked me what I did for a living. I told her I was a waitress. “Do you always get hundred-dollar tips?” she asked me. She asked me where I was waiting tables and remarked that I had a lot of money for a waitress. I don’t go there anymore.

Anyway, certainly we’re in a recession and supposedly even strippers are earning less money, but either way we are notorious for our poor money-management skills. Many strippers own designer purses and nice cars but have no credit or nest egg. I suppose it’s more important to display your wealth than to keep it. It’s terrible but so many strippers are hemorrhaging money on flashy stuff and throwing it away indulging in vices. I know one girl in particular who was driving a brand-new Jaguar, but was literally in tears because it was the end of her shift and she was $100 short of rent. I have seen other girls gamble away enough money to buy a five-bedroom house. Some girls from out of town start stripping in Vegas to send the money home but end up stranded here, enslaved by bad habits.

So where do I blow money? For starters, school isn’t cheap. I have an education habit that I need to support. Also, I like traveling. I went to China twice in the past year. I like to run the air conditioner too high during the summer, racking up a $500 power bill, but come on Nevadans -- who doesn’t? My most extravagant purchase, however, is buying gas at $4.50 per gallon. It seems like just yesterday it was under three bucks. Oh, the nostalgia of being less irritated. Another financial folly of mine is loaning my broke friends money. In the words of Billy Shakespeare, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend.” Maybe they’ll give me some pot or something in the meantime. A fool and her money will soon part, I suppose.

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