Las Vegas Weekly

November 10, 2008 · 9:19 PM

Sometimes, breaking a personal code can lead to a double-date with Eskimos

By Justice

Illustration: Justice

After a recent break up, I decided to accept a date when a date had been offered. It’s not that simple in this case, though. The man who asked me on a date was a customer. This sort of liaison is a big no-no by strip club rules. I believe it is clearly and specifically mentioned in every strip club contract that going on a date with a customer is against the rules. It’s not a shocker considering the exorbitant amounts of money strip clubs make from customers who buy alcohol. Customers are willing to pay inflated prices for weak drinks because they enjoy the live nude scenery. It is in a club’s best interest to keep the scenery there. I’m guessing licenses are also at stake when a club is involved with illegal activity. Naturally, clubs are against strippers meeting customers outside the club. Some go as far as saying that even harmlessly accepting a phone number, with no intent at all, is considered against the rules. Some strip clubs have a policy that says they don’t provide pens to customers or strippers, and any employee caught doing so can be terminated. Another rule to prevent outside interactions is that strippers may not have cell phones on the main floor of most clubs. Clubs take great measures to discourage the exchange of phone numbers for the purpose of meetings outside the club. They are, however, highly unsuccessful.

On the night that I accepted the date, I did not give out my phone number, nor did I accept a number. I had adhered, until that time, to a rather strict personal rule that I was going to keep work at work where it belonged. I crossed that line but I had not yet given away my phone number. It happened a bit differently.

The night I accepted the date, I sat at work slurring drunk and sore from yet another failed relationship. A customer sat next to me and commented that my purse was ugly. He looked like he was wearing some shirt he just bought at a casino gift shop, so his aesthetic judgment was already questionable. He was right about my purse, anyway. I accidentally left my usual work purse at home and I ended up using my ragged purple and pink make-up case to replace it. “So buy me a new one,” I responded to the observation, with out missing a beat. He agreed on the condition that I had dinner with him. Without blinking, I accepted. “Alright. But I’m getting the lobster,” I slurred.

Without giving him my number, I told him to meet me at a certain place, at a certain time, which was coincidentally close to a very nice shopping area. I was extremely nervous and freakishly sober. Ten minutes past the scheduled time, I was sure he forgot. We had both been doing shots and I was positive he had no memory of setting this appointment. After another five minutes of eternal suffering pass, he finally shows up and he brought friends. They were a couple. I was suddenly on a double date with three strangers. Shoot me.

They were all very nice people from Alaska. My date and the female partner of the other couple were Alaskan Eskimos. We discussed native Alaskan food and traditions. They were surprised I knew about “muktuk” (whale blubber) a traditional Alaskan native food. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and I got a purse and a lobster. The guy got a date and a number. Win-win, if you ask me.

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