Las Vegas Weekly

October 14, 2008 · 10:12 AM

Our own gal-up pole: Strippers not so politically inclined

By Justice

Illustration: Justice

Elections are coming up, so politics are naturally on most people’s minds. I learned recently that politics are not, however, on the minds of most strippers. At work, I asked other strippers how they feel about the upcoming elections. Polls from the poles, if you will.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, strippers have no unity. I’m convinced that we will never be unionized in Nevada. A lowly, thieving bunch, we are. As a whole, we have no concern or care for anything but our own earnings on the particular night that we end up finding ourselves at work. Strippers have an inability to see the big picture, whether the big picture is the future of our individual lives or the conditions of the current government. We’ll stab each other in the back if it means another dollar in our pocket.

I’m disappointed with the feedback I received from my unofficial stripper election survey, if you couldn’t tell.

So what were the results of the polls from the poles? Well, I would estimate that a pathetic 90 percent of strippers are not voting at all. The remaining minority is undecided about voting and undecided about their decision. The few who might vote are leaning towards support for Obama. I admit I would fall into that sliver of the pie chart, though I am definitely voting. “You’re a freaking Obama political groupie,” one girl said. I think the accusation is completely unfounded. Sure, I like Obama. I actually just signed up as a campaign volunteer. I think he’s cute. Maybe the accusation is not completely with out merit but she didn’t know any of that stuff when she called me out on my degree of interest in Obama.

The name “Obama” is new to some strippers. Some of these girls only thought about politics because I brought up the topic. One young blond girl asked me, “Elections? Who is running?” I sighed. She adds, ”I’m only voting to legalize marijuana. Who supports that?” Where is she going to get money to buy her favorite drugs when the economy is in the toilet? I ask questions that let Nevadan strippers know that individual involvement is important.

“Have you noticed there are no customers here lately?” I asked an undecided stripper in the days following the Lehman Brothers crash. “There are a lot more foreigners though. The U.S. dollar is weak so we’ll probably see even more of them.” Oh the Belgians and their crazy bra-sniffing ways. They have a sense of humor. We’re not always big fans of the Europeans (your-a-peein’) in strip clubs. I hesitate to call them cheap, but they certainly have a different tipping culture. It’s different enough that the undecided stripper definitely seems more concerned with voting after the suggested possibility of a greater European client base. Who knows if our votes would ever make the Europeans go away or make the economy better? Not voting at all would still be much worse, I think.

When I asked another stripper whom she was voting for, she said, “Girl, don’t talk to me about politics. I don’t know anything.” I asked her, “Well … how do you feel about the war?” She persists with, “I am completely uneducated about politics. Don’t ask me about politics.” I give up and tell her, “Umm… Your tits look great.” “Thanks, girl. You really think so?” They were shiny, new and worth every penny. They were great. I am not at all undecided about that issue.

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