Las Vegas Weekly

August 26, 2009 · 4:49 PM

This birthday will not be a crazy 8

By Justice

When I turned eight years old, I had a mermaid themed pool party complete with a mermaid pinata and a ton of people that I didn’t know and a lot of people who didn’t know me, like all my classmates, for example. I think I nearly drowned that year, so it might have been an insensitive choice on the part of my family to throw me a pool party but I was too young to think about things being insensitive and only interested in things being awesome in the present. This overwhelming party was awesome. Being quiet and nervous, you don’t get to be really popular but pinatas have a way of bringing kids together. A mermaid that hemorrhages a shower of hard candy when you beat her? Who wouldn’t show up to that?

This week I turn 24 and I have nothing so epic planned. The party I had 16 years ago is a tough act to follow. I remember the dye of pinata debris streamed down my arms when it mixed with the chlorinated pool water that dripped from my hair. The carnage of her fatal beating left ribbons of crepe paper everywhere. We mourned with laughter and a big frosted cake.

I’m not sure about this year. I was asked what I wanted for my birthday and I didn’t have an answer. What is there to want? I’ve got it all. Flowers would be nice, I suppose. I could do my favorite thing. That is, drive through the car wash while listening to Bjork. I like sitting in the car while the rainbow soap gets squirted at the windshield. It’s a big, wet assembly line where you get showered but you don’t get wet. It’s like a personal pool party but with rainbow sprinkles. Maybe I’ll let my dog ride in the car and we’ll both eat ice cream. This plan is shaping up nicely.

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