Las Vegas Weekly

February 21, 2009 · 8:58 AM

Of second-hand thongs and the “double-wedgie law”

By Justice

Photo: Justice

Scents drive people absolutely nuts. Especially during a woman’s most fertile time of the month, the scent of a woman will cause an educated and logical man to lose his mind. Just this week, I sold two pairs of used thongs for $100 each. “These are my favorite pair of panties. I’m going to need new ones,” I told a buyer who gave me another $20 for replacements. The following night, the panties I sold were from the 99-cent store. Talk about a profit margin.

Those 99-cent panties that I sent out into the universe went on an interesting journey before finding themselves in the pocket of a businessman’s jacket. I wonder where they are now. In their new life, they’re no longer just string and lace, they’re cherished memorabilia. Before selling them I danced for this guy and told him I was “so turned on.” He told me about having sex with his wife while I was dancing. Their sex life is extremely colorful, to say the least. They include strangers, toys and costumes. In fact, it is so exciting that he needs to go to a strip club by himself to talk to a stranger about it.

After a few dances I got sweaty. My panties got a little sweaty too. At most strip clubs, dancers must wear two thongs under what ever other panties or skirts they wear. It’s the double-wedgie law. Most of us wear only one, because who needs more laundry? I think one thong and one pair of panties over them are sufficient. So at the time, I was wearing one thong. I was wearing the one he wanted. He offered to pay. I accepted.

I got a new thong from my locker to replace the ones I had been wearing and took it to a bathroom stall. I had to unhook my garters so that I could slip off the panties and then the thong over my stockings and shoes. Complicated, no? I examined the thong and it wasn’t particularly juicy or fragrant. It was sort of dryish and kind of smelled like soap. He asked me to really pull it up in there and get it scented. I don’t want to rip people off, you know. So I peed on it. I was in the bathroom and needing to pee anyway. As soon as I peed, I realized that I had eaten asparagus a few hours prior. I remembered suddenly because I could suddenly smell it. It’s not a sexy smell but the show must go on.

I quickly put on the fresh thong and the panties before hooking my garters to my stockings. I walked out of the bathroom with the balled up foul juicy thong in my hand. I went back to the guy, sat on his lap and put it in his pocket. Then he told me what he was going to do with it.

He claimed he and his wife would sniff them first and he would tell her about me. He would then put them on his wife, perform oral sex on her through the thong and then keep them on her and just pull the string aside while he had intercourse with her. Those crazy kids. I hope I see him again and get a full report.

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