Las Vegas Weekly

January 21, 2009 · 5:25 PM

Strippers for Obama take particular pride in new administration

By Justice

The night before Barack Obama’s inauguration, strippers were discussing the important topics that weighed on our minds: “What color do you think Michelle is going to wear?”

Several said, with certainty, the color that Michelle would wear. “Definitely blue or red” someone announced. One stripper said Michelle was going to wear gold. “What a pile of idiots,” I thought. Gold? Are you kidding me? Understanding the meaning of class is not a requirement to be a stripper, apparently. I rolled my eyes and left the strip club. To my surprise, Michelle Obama actually was wearing gold the following morning for the inauguration. It was actually very classy.

Whether or not you care about first lady fashions, the inauguration was exciting. I am looking forward to seeing how the next four years unfold. As I mentioned before, I have been an Obama supporter for a long time. I even volunteered for Obama’s presidential campaign. That means that I was going door-to-door with those pesky flyers. You can thank me for the political debris in your neighborhood. Strippers for Obama will also take partial credit for this historical victory.

Volunteering was a little scary. It was around Halloween and everyone had their decorations up. Some people have especially scary decorations. Latex ghouls and nets of fake spider web with big plastic spiders were strewn menacingly on people’s home entrances. I especially hate the stuff with motion detectors and moving parts. You’re minding your own business with an armful of flyers and a skeleton in ragged clothing suddenly raises its arms and laughs demonically at you. I just about peed my pants several times during campaign season. People also have giant scary pets and giant scary children. I’m glad it’s all over, and it all paid off.

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