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Stripped

Tales of the naked city, from a Las Vegas dancer.


July 8, 2009 · 7:41 AM

Search for keys unlocks mystery of office fortress

By Justice

Illustration: Justice

Behind the dimly lit hallways of a strip club somewhere in town, I stood just inside the main office while the owner frantically looked for a missing thing. I inched my way closer to the door, feeling like I shouldn’t be in there. I wasn’t going to leave, though. I stood there in my dirty clothes and messy hair, angry and increasingly irritated waiting for the owner to find the thing that belonged to me. It was the night of 4th of July, and I could hear the rumble of exploding fireworks over the strip club music inside the office. Strippers don’t go in that office, ever. Not even when filling out paperwork after being hired. It was a pretty standard office though it totally piqued my interest. The club has an infamous history and it made me wonder about the things that may have happened right where I stood. There were two desks cluttered with memos and pictures of family members. There was a blue printed paycheck for $155 sticking out of an inbox. There was also a refrigerator-sized safe with a lock the size of an apple. Several bricks of cash and a bunch of documents were inside it. I felt like it may have been poor etiquette looking over the owner’s shoulder into the safe but, damn it, I wouldn’t have been in the office in the first place if nobody lost anything of mine. I was entitled to my shameless gander. It wasn’t in the safe and the owner closed the large door. I walked back through the club in the same dress I had been wearing the day before. I hadn’t been back home since leaving my house the previous night to go to work at that same club so I never got a chance to change outfits. I noticed there were hardly any customers for a Saturday night, or a weeknight for that matter. That’s how business can be in the summer, I suppose. I was glad I wasn’t working.

Inside the locker room, the house mom was further assisting me in finding my missing car keys. “They have a little dog on them,” I told her, while she gave me a choice of two sets of keys, neither of which had a dog on them. The previous night, while working, I had left my keys with the valet and that was the last time I had seen them. I ran into an old stripper friend from my heavy-drinking era and she introduced me to a customer who was buying shots like he was celebrating a divorce. I have no linear memory of the rest of the evening. I vaguely remember sitting at the bar talking her into a boob job. “Listen to me, get your boobs done. You’re going to love them!” Now she wants them.

Anyway, my very irritated boyfriend picked me up from work that night and returned me to the club the following night to pick up my keys and drive myself home. I should have taken only a minute to get my keys and leave but they were missing with out a trace. The house mom asked everyone on shift from the night before where my keys might be. She even called everyone at home even if it was their day off. I hated to be such a pain in the ass but I was appalled that they would just lose someone’s keys like that.

Finally, the house mom got a hold of the last person who saw me before I left. It was a worker who walked me out. The guy said he gave me my keys as I left and told me specifically “Don’t lose these.” It turns out that they were in my bag the whole time.

In a strip club that employees hundreds of strippers, I believe it is best to stay under the radar. It is hard to remain inconspicuous when you get blacked out drunk, lose your stuff and then accuse the entire staff of being disorganized and careless. I tipped the house mom and weaseled my way out the back door.

8 Comments So Far

How could anyone be "very irritated" at you...you sound like such a sweetie! With a great journalistic style and the greatest boobs in Nevada, what's not to love?

Posted by: rrbill on 7/8/09 at 8:39 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Well Glad u made it ok... DOnt where u worked but it cant be worse than the good old carzy horse too, can it...
As far as bein irrtated at u i can understand... As i previously said, and i did not mean it in a mean way, dating a stripper is not easy.
For a lot of guys that means handling the jealousy work can create, the moodiness sometiems that comes with bad nights at work for girls, its a lot of drama, like a full time job :)
I was hoping for u work would be busty sicne u had not been workign in a while, i know u have bills like all of us but im sure u will compensate with good shifts, u seem to manage ur money much much better than most dancers i know...

Anyways u take care,

hope to hear from u soon,

seb

Posted by: natkingcolebasket on 7/8/09 at 9:26 a.m. (Suggest removal)

I suspect that your written apology will smooth any falsely accused feathers. We are all human. We've all done this. We forgive. We forget. Rock on. As to showing up on the radar...your blip is already fading as others light up the radar screen.

Posted by: jalamajohn on 7/8/09 at 5:24 p.m. (Suggest removal)

Damn, that is one seriously freaking funny stream of consciousness giggle moment..,

Posted by: cypher on 7/9/09 at 12:56 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Amazing illustration!
&
"I was entitled to my shameless gander." is such a funny line.

Posted by: sayuncle on 7/9/09 at 11:37 a.m. (Suggest removal)

So how do the some of us that want good work done find out the name of your doctor? I definitely don't feel comfortable having work done here in Vegas after hearing about all the medical horror stories in the news...

Posted by: chunkee on 7/9/09 at 2:26 p.m. (Suggest removal)

LMAO....I can feel ya girl! It sucks when you make a big deal about missing something only to have it right in your bag all along.....ugh....;-)

Posted by: MG on 7/9/09 at 4:12 p.m. (Suggest removal)

chunkee,

1) What kind of work are you interested in?
2) Don't believe everything you hear from the media. ;)

Send me an e-mail at Justice@lasvegassun.com.

Posted by: Justice_4_all on 7/13/09 at 10:33 p.m. (Suggest removal)

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