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Stripped

Tales of the naked city, from a Las Vegas dancer.


July 21, 2009 · 11 PM

In this case, job perks might include hookups for cheap steroids

By Justice

Illustration: Justice

My stripper friend is not good with secrets. She means well, certainly, but she’s just not good at it. She can’t even keep her own secrets. She drinks too many martinis and starts telling each person the same secret while making each person promise not to talk about it. That’s how an entire club found out that she is dating the new bouncer. When I found out, I was genuinely happy for her but at the same time not impressed. I don’t have great expectations for a relationship between two individuals who work together in any work place, let alone a strip club.

I hope it works. They have things in common. It could work. They’re both goofy, friendly, have very low body fat and are exceptionally photogenic. Aren’t these the key ingredients to a successful long-term relationship? Their wedding pictures could be used to sell picture frames. They’re that pretty.

I wouldn’t recommend sh*tting where you eat, but some people like the taste, apparently. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be forced to stay in the same room with someone after our relationship failed miserably. If you like where you work, it’s just best to not set yourself up for that situation.

There are perks to being involved with co-workers, though. The stripper that bangs the bartender isn’t paying for any drinks. The stripper that bangs the DJ never has to be tortured by being forced to dance to Nickelback. My friend gets extra special security since her boyfriend is the bouncer. She probably has the hookup for discounted steroids, too.

While I was talking to the very friendly manager, I mentioned that the new barback was adorable. The manager reminded me that it would be much more beneficial to sleep with a manager, and not a barback. There were better perks. You can come and go as you please and never pay a house fee. The barback would assure that you had plenty of napkins though. That, along with the stamina of youth and the boyish good looks definitely make him an appealing candidate. I also mentioned the issue of job security and managerial involvement. If anything went wrong, I’d pay with my job, wouldn’t I? He assured me I wouldn’t. I brought up my other carnal options. I told him that if I slept with the janitor, I’d get paper towels whenever I wanted them. There is also the appeal of the janitor’s closet, the true VIP room. It’s the cave of custodial wonders, really. If he was truly love struck, I’d probably get a lifetime supply of toilet paper.

Either way, I’m not single and not interested in breaking my own rules. I think it’s best to be able to abandon my job and co-workers wholly and completely when my shift is over.

9 Comments So Far

LMAO what the .. this is major gossip..... it would be better if you told us what club lol

Posted by: jbigga on 7/22/09 at 2:19 a.m. (Suggest removal)

"I hope it works. They have things in common. It could work. They're both goofy, friendly, have very low body fat and are exceptionally photogenic. Aren't these the key ingredients to a successful long-term relationship? Their wedding pictures could be used to sell picture frames. They're that pretty"

I like the sarcasm ... Seems u have it all figured out... Dont date a bouncer,a dj,or a customer (probably the worse)...Its not professional but at the end of the day being a guy we all know the bartender,bouncer will it on plenty other girls, and the customer will want to save ur or bang u just the same:(

Oh and dating amanager for tipout ...

I think vegas is the hardest city for relationshipp so if u want a relationship that is even harder i guess bein a stripper and dating someone where u work makes it even orse...This job creat enough natural tension as is...

cool post though;

Posted by: natkingcolebasket on 7/22/09 at 12:50 p.m. (Suggest removal)

I love when you blog!!! seriously.........I think I haven't read one I didn't love!! ;-)

Posted by: MG on 7/22/09 at 6:05 p.m. (Suggest removal)

i used to dj at the little darling back in san francisco and dated one of the girls there... thats how i got the job. lol we're still best friends to this day...

Posted by: lpsound on 7/23/09 at 12:34 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Sounds like multi-modality psych care, Hope the pays good. Vaguely comparitive perhaps to after hours derivative trading where 'dark pools' of insider information are utilized using mind not emotion to up-curve leverage while mitigating risk.
Managing the predictable wish/want/needs of the not so complex human equivalents=+$
Gordon G believes "greed is good!"..>

Posted by: cypher on 7/24/09 at midnight (Suggest removal)

Well, true love always lurks at the workplace. Wife No. 1 was a secretary at the Interstate Commerce Commission,the now defunct agency where we worked in DC. No. 2 was a psychology prof at the ND college where I taught. Neither marriage lasted. Now I keep looking for true love in strip clubs. After all, strippers have supplanted cheerleaders as the most highly evolved life form on this planet.

Posted by: rrbill on 7/24/09 at 6:35 a.m. (Suggest removal)

@ rrbill
Ur probably older than me and have more experience but for your own sake, and i know what im talking about, look for love in the right places.

I have been for over 4 years with my dancer girlfriend and its a man character for us to want to protect and save but with all due respect for justice and dancers its not going to work.

U cant provoke love, at least i think so, its just come. The more money you spend on them the less dancers really respect you. I promise its true. DOnt get me wrong im not judging you at all, ur certainly a great human being but as u know this is work for those girls.

How does it make u any different than others if u keep going there and see girls ? Ull haev a label a regular, a good client who is probably a handsome gentleman and not a pig BUT a client still, and if u end up dating a girl from a club that u like, even love dont u really think (at least if she said yes quickly) that ur the only shed go out with ?

Again dont get me wrong, its just my personal opinion. Like everywhere there are great girls , professional and everything in strip clubs and thats what u should look for because a) beauty is only skin deep at times and B) its work for them so it will take time for a woman you meet there to truly open up to you and be yourself and even if that is done it takes more than affection and money to create somehting.

Im again saying that as a personal opinion. The best you can do is be yourself and be a real gentleman in there ebcause they are not that many in those so called gentlemen club who are more and more full with pigs.

So dont get me wrong im not judging , just sharing like a blog allows you too. I was just like you: young,funny, i beleive cute and i learnt and i realized that what made it work with my grilfriend was our intellectuall connexion.

It took me a looooong time to gain her trust bc of this job and other men, we took babysteps and all this ...

ANyways just my ppoint of view but maybe im all wrong :)

Posted by: natkingcolebasket on 7/24/09 at 8:16 a.m. (Suggest removal)

Oh my, oh my, oh my. WE COUNT on you coming in and falling in love. I had a customer for 7 years and thought my being mostly honest with him was enough to keep him from getting hurt, or it was so that I could alleviate my own guilt. Nonetheless, I told him I was releasing him and never wanted to see him again because his feelings for me were keeping him from finding true love. Now I am so straight up - "I only fall in love by the hour"! I get much more respect, in that sense, but I don't have any regulars. LOL (They're so much work anyways)

Posted by: SemiSecretStripper on 8/12/09 at 8:24 a.m. (Suggest removal)

"We Covet That Which We See The Most" - Silence of the Lambs

Posted by: SemiSecretStripper on 8/12/09 at 8:47 a.m. (Suggest removal)

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