Las Vegas Weekly

March 12, 2009 · 11:18 AM

Beware of the band of plastic thieves

By Justice

Photo: Justice

Imagine that you went to a strip club, bought a few lap dances on a credit card, and later that month you realize that your card had been charged several more times than you thought. Your card is maxed out. You did not knowingly consent to those charges but you can’t get your money back because the strip club has it on record that you signed for every one of those charges. They even have you on camera signing papers. While you were at the cashier in the heat of the moment, excitedly paying a few hundred or a few thousand dollars for time with your new dream girl, the cashier tells you that your card needs to be run again. It didn’t go through the first time. Maybe your signature wasn’t quite like the signature on your ID card and you need to sign a second time on what you think is a reprint of the receipt for a single transaction. And you sign a third time. And a fourth. “It’s for your own safety,” they tell you. They keep charging you again and again until you’re broke.

This happens on a nightly basis in at least one strip club in Las Vegas. Cashiers, management and a small group of strippers are in on this scam. I’ve known some of these people for years and I can’t believe they do it. Certainly, the allure of that kind of money corrupts people but, my God, this scam has probably done some major damage to the lives of at least a few unsuspecting customers. Just how much money are they stealing? I couldn’t put a number on it but I know that one of the strippers involved in this scam is sending her kids to an Ivy League university with no assistance from financial aid.

It’s just very disturbing to know that this is going on. I don’t know all the details yet, but I’m not sure why they haven’t been in any serious trouble. I have to be careful about investigating this one. I know I’d get fired for bringing any attention to this situation and possibly for even knowing too much.

I feel especially disappointed in one of the strippers involved. She is a bit younger than me and started stripping immediately after being of legal age to strip. I remember seeing her for the first time. She had the shiniest long black hair and was dripping in rhinestones. She wore slinky short dresses and silver shoes. She seemed like a total bitch and still keeps that reputation. “I held the door open for her and she didn’t say, ‘Thank you,’ ” another stripper told me about her. The bitch and I would go out for breakfast every morning after work. I couldn’t believe how beautiful and sparkly she was sometimes. I would eat my soup and stare at her. She was like a fairy tale mermaid but also incredibly mean and cold like a warrior. With all the beauty and thick skin needed to survive in the business, she found incredible success in stripping.

She never had any guilt about anything she did to a customer. A lawyer once told me that guilt is a useless emotion. I think that maybe people should feel guilty about not treating other people like human beings though. I grew apart from the bitch because she was much too comfortable being dishonest and I can’t trust someone like that. Also because I’m on a diet and don’t go out for breakfast anymore, but that’s irrelevant. The more I know about her personality, the more I see her as a physically ugly person. Instead of her radiant hair, I notice her road map of stretch marks and handfuls of loose skin hidden under strategically placed corsets. I notice the glue of her hair extensions mashed against her skull. It reminds me of the dried blood of road kill with crusty cat fur stuck to it. It’s hard to see any beauty in her at all anymore. She’s nothing but an ugly thief.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that strippers are a band of thieves, so don’t trust us.

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