Las Vegas Weekly

March 26, 2009 · 3:25 PM

A bizarre display of darts and a chatty little person on a freakish Saturday night

By Justice

Illustration: Justice

A friend of mine was visiting from Canada last week and, naturally, wanted to stop by the Strip. I believe the last time I had been on the strip before then was the last time another Canadian friend was visiting. I was glad to see my friend and totally willing to drive him around while he drank free casino alcohol. I don’t mind the strip so much. I just never have a reason to see it anymore unless I’m driving Canadians around.

He was staying in a house on the far west side of town in an area where the houses are far apart and there is a suspicious lack of street lights. The neglected desert land separating these houses looks like the rocky surface of Mars. The home of the famous Teller is said to be nearby. It’s one of the scattered structures hiding in the blackness near the mountains. In the area, I never fail to see suicidal rabbits running across the roads.

We caught up on the drive towards the glittering sin central that is the Las Vegas Strip. I was taking him to a freak show at O’Sheas. O’Sheas, a luck-o’-the-Irish themed casino, was more crowded than I had ever seen any Strip casino. It was shoulder-to-shoulder, steamy-crowded. One story up from the casino’s main floor was the tiny venue where the freaks were performing. The show had already begun when we snuck into the center of a row not far from the stage. We were close enough to the stage that the row just in front of us got squirted with water when a clown shot it out of his mouth. There were barely any people in the audience, which was strange considering the high population density on the first floor and the incredible curiosity that a freak show should inspire. The show was right up my alley.

There was a lady midget wearing nothing but purple panties and pasties who was rolling around in broken glass. She had misshapen large hands and feet like a cartoon ogre. She picked up handfuls of glass and rubbed it all over herself. “What is the difference between a midget and a two-year old?” she asked. “A midget is legal!” Another performer shot darts out of her vagina and a dart landed in the pale white breast flesh of the glass-eater lady. A friend of mine from college was in the show, too. His back was pierced with two meat hooks and he got suspended by them. Blood drizzled in long stripes down his back and onto his white cotton pants. I used to take pictures of him at school and post them to my personal blog. He always had interesting hair.

After the show, my friend drank dollar beer and I drank iced caramel coffee. I dropped him off at the house on the edge of the world before going to work. Before I would speak to him again, he slept with an eighth-month pregnant hooker. I guess she used to be a stripper at the club I was working at that night. I guess you have to do something with your time on maternity leave. She was rather pretty. Anyway, it all happened on Saturday night.

Share This