Las Vegas Weekly

May 14, 2009 · 10:31 PM

I’m bored. I’m boring. Show me a good time. E-mail me.

By Justice

Illustration: Justice

Write me an e-mail at justice@lasvegassun.com to tell me your funny strip club stories. Write me anyway, actually, to ask or tell me anything. Send me pictures of your prized poodles, too. I’m bored and lonely and I could use some entertainment once in a while.

I really am boring. Just the other day a customer asked me, “How does such a hot chick get so lame?” after I told him I don’t drink or smoke and I don’t really hang out with anyone except for having the occasional conjugal visit. Since I quit drinking, the overwhelming majority of the population agrees that I’m as exciting and spontaneous as a dead slug, including each recipient of the conjugal visits. I took a sip of my $6 bottled water and shrugged. “What should I be doing with my time?”

I don’t mind my lack of social life and lack of excitement. I get to do activities that are important to me like draw portraits of my dog, collect jars full of long-legged brown spiders, and actively ignore phone calls. One of my favorite things to do is stare quietly into space and think about things. Sometimes I think about things so much that I need to take a nap. I don’t suppose I’m actually bored. I’m just boring to other people.

As a salesperson selling the illusion of being a fun and exciting person, I am in desperate need of a better answer to the question, “What do you do for fun?”

A lot of strippers are exceptionally plain and “boring” outside work. I asked other girls what they do for fun and across the board; everyone is exhausted from raising kids and supporting their unemployed boyfriends. We’re also exhausted from walking around in those damn shoes.

On top of being occupied with our families outside of work, maybe the party life just isn’t appealing to us after eight hours of working in the party environment. Do you like to unwind by hanging out in a cubicle?

Anyway, write me an e-mail.

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