Las Vegas Weekly

November 25, 2009 · 4:52 PM

For Thanksgiving, I really am bringing home the bacon

By Justice

Illustration: Justice

I am in charge of a vegetable dish for Thanksgiving. What makes vegetables edible? Bacon. Yes, add bacon to something as unappealing as green beans and even vegetarians will eat them. Bacon with green beans, bacon salad, bacon pie. Bacon just makes other food better and is a refreshing addition to any traditional meal.

Last Thanksgiving, as I wrote in this blog, I pretty much drank vodka and cried in the rain before going to work and dodging projectile vomit from a morbidly obese man in the VIP room. “Why is the seat wet?” the next girl that walked into the room asked me. “Did you pee on it?” I thought, “Ha! It’s not pee. It’s vomit!” I laughed. “Just don’t sit over there. Okay?”

I caught a customer vomiting in the corner of the strip club a few days ago and it reminded me of last Thanksgiving Day. The guy threw up behind some club chairs and wiped his face on his long sleeve shirt before buying some more lap dances. Aren’t you supposed to call it a night after you throw up in a public space?

The bouncer believes you should. “Man, that’s not right. I have never thrown up anywhere besides in my own home” he claims proudly. Good for him.

I am thankful that I will not have to be in the crossfire of any strange bodily fluid this year. I will be adding some bacon magic to a Thanksgiving meal with my boyfriend.

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