Las Vegas Weekly

January 8, 2011 · 11:38 AM

Black Bird moves in, and there is a concern about pants

By Justice

Photo: Justice

Black Bird moved in with me. She’s the first non-boyfriend roommate I’ve had in a very long time. I love having her around. In a four bedroom house she could sleep in her own room but we sleep in the same room on the same bed with three dogs and sometimes the cat even though I’m allergic to it. The fat dog finds a warm spot behind bent human knees. The black slinky dog sleeps between us with her head on the pillow like a person. The frail old chihuahua curls up near Bird’s swollen pregnant belly. The cat finds a spot by our feet. We’re a big happy jigsaw puzzle of different sizes and shapes. We stay in bed for hours watching movies on my laptop and making fun of her baby daddy’s shortcomings.

I keep myself really isolated most of the time so it’s a nice change. Solitude is comfortable but I don’t think it’s good for me. I sit around stewing in my own thoughts and not wearing pants. I figure what’s the point of wearing pants if I’m alone? Complete waste of energy if you’re by yourself. So now I wear pants more often but life is about making sacrifices.

I think Bird is going to read this and point out all the times I still don’t wear pants.

Anyway, Bird is over 8 months pregnant now and was stripping in Vegas until a few weeks ago when she left town for Christmas. She’s going to attempt to work this weekend for CES and AVN since the money should be really good. The problem is, naturally, hiding an eighth-month pregnant belly from management and customers. Work options are limited for a very pregnant stripper in Vegas. I hope they let her slide.

I’m really hoping this weekend works out for me too.

I worked only two days in December which covered my bills for the month and Christmas presents. I got really lucky those two days. My luck afforded me the luxury of sitting on my ass for an entire month watching several seasons of Law & Order while shopping online. I seriously and honestly believe that my brain has atrophied a little from all this mindless free time.

I have to go to work now. Wish me luck.

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