Las Vegas Weekly

March 3, 2009 · 6:21 PM

How to be a player

By Jennifer Grafiada

As a teenager growing up on the streets of South Central L.A., Pretty Tony observed how pimps, hustlers and street cats attracted and manipulated women. He picked up a few tricks.

Plus he was a natural. Tony took his talents to Las Vegas, and one night while at a strip club a friend marveling at his countless conquests told him he should write a book.

That night Tony started writing on a napkin. The napkin turned into pages, which turned into chapters, which turned into two books: Playa Step Your Game Up and Playaology.

The titles and covers make them seem like how-to manuals for wanna-be pimps, but the books actually have the opposite message: They encourage men to be honest and respectful of women, while instructing women on how to avoid getting hurt.

While you might question the expertise of a guy who goes by the name Pretty Tony and calls himself a player, the author has an important credential to back him up.

Tony has given up his womanizing ways and is now happily married with two daughters. “I’m a family man,” he says, in a deep, rich voice with perfect elocution. “‘Player emeritus’ is what I like to call myself. I didn’t want to be that 40-something cat in the club that’s still trying to be cool, you know what I mean?”

While he’s retired from the game, Tony now acts as coach, teaching others how to have as much success with the opposite sex as he has had. Read below for some pointers, or pick up his books for the extended version.

Advice for the fellas:

On being a player…

“A real player is someone who is genuinely attentive to a woman, who gets to know a woman’s insecurities, fantasies and fears. It’s all a mind game.

“A married man has no business being a player. Being a player is a lifestyle. A player’s objective is to lure women. Some choose to manipulate women, and some just appreciate women and they can’t choose one, so they have women.

“I encourage honesty. If you’re a player, tell a woman you’re a player. Present yourself for what you are. Don’t be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, because that can ultimately damage peoples’ lives.”

On strip clubs…

“I can tell most men that you will not find love in a strip club, so don’t go there looking for love no matter how lonely you get. The reality is that Destiny is there to sell you a fantasy to get into your wallet (I knew a lot of Destinys up in the strip clubs).”

On picking up women…

“Confidence and conversation are the two Cs. Conversation opens the door and gets that back and forth with someone, and confidence is the ‘Here I am baby, you want to get to know me.’ If your conversation is limited and your confidence is weak, she’ll be like, ‘Next!’”

On picking up women in nightclubs…

“Packaging, preparation and pursuit are the three key elements to picking up a woman. Package to present yourself to what a woman would want. Prepare yourself to have your conversation on point. And pursuit is to have the moxie to approach a woman. Lollygagging and grabbing yourself is not going to get you a woman.

“Bring your swagger. You don’t want to just be a part of the fixtures. … Bump that swagger up a notch, give a woman something to be attracted to. Find a way to stand out.”

Advice for the ladies:

On men being players…

“A high percentage of men are players because that’s what we are taught. Little girls are taught to be cute. Guys are taught to hunt, hunt, hunt. If a father catches his daughter kissing a little boy, he becomes upset. But if he catches his son kissing the neighbor’s daughter, he’s like, ‘That’s my boy!’

"Men need time to grow because we’re boys and we need to grow into men before we start understanding ourselves. It takes time to grow. A lot of the time, when women meet us, we’re still boys. A man has to become a man on his own. This is where a lot of disappointments come in relationships--you can’t force a man to grow up."

On avoiding heartbreak…

“Our swagger, conversation and attire will tell you if we’re a player. You have to get with it or get going; deal with it or politely excuse yourself. It might cost you a cute guy or two, but at the end of the day it’s less of an emotional train wreck because you won’t attach yourself while six months later they’re still trying to have fun. You are thinking about going to a deeper level but they don’t want to go to a deeper level; they like the midnight rendezvous.

“Get to know the man well. Don’t meet a dude on Monday and love him by Wednesday. Give things time to develop. You can’t let loneliness dictate the pace of your life. Loneliness is a state of mind.”

On making relationships work…

“There are billions of us on the planet--trust me, there is someone out there for everybody. We’re overexposed in Las Vegas, and that makes it harder, but not impossible. It comes down to knowing who you are. Once you know who you are the rest of the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place.”

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