So... you want to see a midget hang from a guy’s testicles? Haha. Really, though. I think I’m going to some party at Krave featuring such a thing. Want to come?
I long ago became accustomed to receiving strange invitations, but this text message was by far the strangest note to grace my inbox. So many questions were raised after receiving such a message, like, “How?” and “Dear God, WHY!?”
There was only one appropriate way to respond: “What time?”
Unfortunately, I never made it out to see the testicle-clutching midget (if such a thing even exists) and neither did the friend who invited me. Instead, he found himself at Crazy Horse III, and I found myself at home, receiving progressively drunker text messages. Not quite as entertaining as the proposed showcasing of midget and testicle talent, but you can’t always get what you want. Plus, that midget deal has to be a reoccurring thing, right? I’ll catch it next time.
11:13 p.m. Good times at crazy horse 3! Midgets later on.
11:20 p.m. Open bar and free admission at strip club!
12:40 p.m. Boobies…
12:46 p.m. Aye che wowee! Im drvnk. I thnl we I be here awhile. Come!
12:53 p.m. Un hamgorguesa muy picante! Free!
1:21 p.m. Ahg. Im heando home.
1:46 p.m. Shit.
2:05 p.m. Crap? Sheise. Gnite.