Las Vegas Weekly

September 3, 2009 · 6:36 PM

The Jet Stream: Taters and haters

By Jet Tila

Top Chef host and judge Padma Lakshmi opted for animal prints instead of fatigues for the challenge at Nellis.

Photo: Kelsey McNeal / BravoTV

Like I said last week, Preeti was in trouble. I’m a little bummed she was eliminated, because I am also a Bamco (Bon Appetit Management Company) Alum! They do some amazing stuff in the culinary world, but unfortunately, Preeti did not represent.

All in all, not a very dramatic week until the judges’ table. Preeti took a well deserved spanking from Tom for mouthing off and trying to throw Jesse and Ron’s clam chowder under the bus. Tsk tsk...When on the chopping block, I think its poor from to try to take people down with you.

This week’s Quickfire – “out of this world” potato dish. Potatoes are a double-edged sword. I think a lot of us have worked potatoes to death. While familiar, they might be so familiar your mind comes up with too many options. My take would have been similar to Ron’s, but I would have attempted an actual crusted yellowtail instead of wimping out and making big flat sweet potato sheets and wrapping the fish like a retarded fish empanada.

I would have turned the potato into super long strands like angel hair and wrapped the fish. Season well; start cooking in some clarified butter to crisp up the “nest” of potato, and finished in the oven to cook the yellowtail through. Then plate the fish “hot pocket” on a really sinful dollop of buttery and nicely salted potato puree. When you bite into it you get a potato chip crunch, warm fish and then gooey puree…Oh man, I’m getting hungry again.

Big props to Jennifer, winning two of three Quickfires. This week, “Steamed Mussels, Yukon Gold and Blue Potatoes with Lemongrass Potato Sauce.” Damn, this woman has classic background, with a love for S.E. Asia. That’s a dish that takes some thought and competent execution. And who knew she could be such a dominatrix in the kitchen? Sexy! I love it when she cracks the whip! Just enough pain…just enough pleasure…Sorry, I’m getting a little off track!

On to the food: The WTF...really? Seriously, REALLY? dishes were...

Ash’s potato ice cream. (Oh, I mean custard. Oh, I really mean I wasn’t smart enough to think ice cream wouldn’t set up in time and it didn’t, so Mark Peel bought that I meant to make custard...ice cream.) Dude, c’mon. You could have used liquid nitrogen to make ice cream ASAP! Yes, it was done last week, but it still would’ve: A. turned out. B. might have impressed the judges. Oh yeah, and C. showed you did the molecular cooking thing.

Jesse’s boring -“heart warming” and mouth burning - soup. First of all, potato soup? Really? That’s week one of culinary school, girlfriend! You had 45 minutes to make a dish and you go for soup - and not just any soup, but the most obvious combo of ginger, brown sugar and cayenne. And after 45 minutes, you can’t get the seasoning right? Wow…don’t know if she’ll be around long.

OK, now, the “Hater” awards. Urban Dictionary definition for “Hater”: “A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So, rather than be happy, they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.”

These are the ones that should have a big “H” painted on their chef coats like a Superman “S.” These are people who wake up every morning and drink a humungo bottle of “Hater-ade.”

Ron: for calling Mattin “Frenchy” and not addressing him by his name. Isn’t Ron from Haiti? I smell a little French colonial angst.

Mike: for getting all bent out of shape when Jennifer won the Quickfire. “That’s not fair, she won ‘cause of favoritism.” Bro, she won because she’s a better chef than you.

Bryan V: OK, you won the first week, and your bro, Michael, was happy for you. He wins this week, and you barely give him a golf clap and crack a smug hater smile. Not very cool, man…I’m feeling some Cain and Abel vibes.

The Nellis Air force challenge was great! I love watching fine dining chefs start to sweat when they don’t see actual stoves with sauté pans and pots. They start to get all weak in the knees at the site of 50-gallon steam kettles and large combi-ovens. Production cooking is a completely different animal and takes a unique discipline! Some of them did a fantastic job cooking for well-deserving men and women of the air force! I don’t care what your politics are, theses people signed up to be in harm’s way for us, and they do it for very little money, at a huge expense to their personal lives, and never expect a thank you.

Eli and Kevin’s pork and potato salad? Super Yum! This was complete ownage of the ingredients and understanding their kitchen and audience of diners. They kept it simple but excellent.

Michael V’s pork belly/bacon dish. Super smart use of slab bacon. Congrats on the genius use of pig and ultimately the win! Your brother didn’t give you much love, but we all are happy for you.

Fashion standout moments:

Padma’s leopard print mini at Nellis! Double dose of exotic… Ggggrrrrrooooowwwwllllll! Oh yeah, that moment when Padma’s 20 miles of legs were coming out of the Hummer…every man's fantasy. Military vehicles, fighter planes, guns and Padma. I’m getting a little misty here.

Mattin’s red neckerchief? OK, us Americans might not get the Franco Basque theme where some culinary folk wear the red handkerchief around their necks. Let me translate it into street: It’s like a kid from the hood, like myself, wearing his “flag” out of his pocket to represent what set he claims. Now, I need to write a paragraph for the non-hood types. OK, non-hood types…oh...forget it.

All in all another great episode from TC! Some predictions, if I dare. Next week’s bottom 3 will be…Robin, Ron and Laurine. I think these guys are just barely getting by and it’s catching up with them. The V. Bros love for one another continues to diminish. And it’s time for Eli or Kevin to get a win either in a Quickfire or elimination challenge.

Also next week, the first of three appearances by chefs from the Wynn team! Can’t wait to see my fellow chefs from our Wynn/Encore family give the contestants a piece of their mind! I will do my best to not be jealous and bitter that I didn’t get my chance to judge.

Au revoir until then homeys!

Jet

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