The only time in the last 10 years I’ve eaten Domino’s pizza was in July, when I walked off a plane in Des Moines, Iowa, at 10 p.m., starving, and it was literally the only place open and accessible from my sad little motel. And it was awful pizza. So while I may not agree with the “marketing strategy” that puts the president of the company on TV admitting his pizza sauce tastes like ketchup, I certainly agree with him on the message: this pizza is shit.
But they say they fixed it, right? The ketchup has some kick now and they’re sprinkling it with this new product called “cheese.” Okay, I’ll bite. Worst-case scenario is Iowa all over again. But guess what? This new Domino’s is neither new nor improved—it’s the same! The only detectable change is a sickly sweet butter glaze around the edges. They actually made it worse! Somehow, I’m impressed.