Las Vegas Weekly

Christmas break

SpaghettiO’s and 50-cent abortions … or maybe not

Wall art inside The Double Down Saloon.

Who needs midnight mass when you can drink juice called ass? The Double Down Saloon held its annual White Trash Christmas Party on December 24, and the ultimate dive bar filled with orphans stuck in town, looking to drown their sorrows in bacon martinis and Ass Juice. At least that was my plan … minus the bacon martini consumption.

Looking for an alternative to watching A Christmas Story alone on repeat, I arrived around midnight with The Vermin mid-set (guitarist Rob Ruckus made a sequined Santa hat look badass). Owner P Moss informed me the Double Down is packed every year on Christmas. Free condoms littered the floor, but in case someone forgot to take a few home, a sign by the jukebox advertised (jokingly?) 50-cent abortions on Christmas Day. I elbowed my way to the bar as Dirk Vermin informed us his grandmother had just passed away, but that he was fine with it since she called him by his brother’s name his whole life. He then asked, “Where else could you go on Christmas and hear an old-ass rocker talk about his dead grandma?”

I started craving the free SpaghettiO’s promised on another sign, but settled for vending-machine chips instead. Thanks to “happiest place on earth” truly for providing a welcome distraction from my holiday blues.