12 reasons to not hate the bus
Because the C.A.T. system needs some love
Thu, Jul 31, 2008 (midnight)
Illustration: Ryan Olbrysh
It’s been a month of bad PR for the C.A.T. bus system. Whether it’s a crazy guy hijacking a bus or an alleged perpetual drunk crashing into a bus stop, finding reasons to like public transportation is harder than ever. Here are a few:
1. Immigration attorney Reza Athari’s gleaming smile on bus billboards. Wide enough to cheer up anyone depressed about gas prices.
2. Tanning on the cheap. Porous bus shelters on Sunset Road let you bronze while waiting for the bus you just missed to eventually return.
3. Getting drunk at the Beauty Bar, $13. Having a ride to get home without driving, $1.25. Getting home without a DUI, priceless.
4. Keeping limber. Stretching to make room for Strip tourists on the Deuce improves your muscle tone and flexibility.
5. Art displays. Admiring gang tattoos on the bus is a fun timekiller. Remember, if it says "La EME" which signifies the Mexican mafia, don't stare too long!
6. $2.50 for unlimited rides for a day. Comfortable seats. Someone else is driving. You don’t have to fill the tank.
7. You’re suddenly appealing. Being the most normal-looking guy on the bus gives you an advantage with chicks who were previously hit on by weird, smelly creeps.
8. Guilt-free peeping. The double-decker Deuce buses offer the great opportunity to inconspicuously peer into people’s property. After seeing all the overgrown grass, rotted-out refrigerators and scary junkyard dogs, you find out that maybe your back yard isn’t so messy after all.
9. That “caring for the planet” crap. Cutting down on emissions by riding the bus, “being green,” and saving the world—or something like that—has to score you some pretty decent karma points somewhere, right?
10. Learning family values. Opportunities for this come often. For example, dragging three screaming kids on the bus, then letting them run around the aisles while the bus is moving—bad. Breast-feeding on the bus—good.
11. You get to veg ... Turning off your brain and watching the city pass you by is a relaxing and contented experience.
12. ... Or act like a dork. Being forced to stand on the second story of the Strip Deuce makes you feel like you’re a skate punk with a board on steroids as you cruise down the Strip.