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Politics

24 things we won’t have to think about again

Our scrapbook of fond campaign highlights

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Courtney Wotherspoon

1. The Ron Paul revolution.

2. Kucinich: too small to be president. Edwards: too smarmy to be president. Romney: too Mormon to be president.

3. Maverick—now just an old TV western again.

4. Hillary. Wow, she’s tougher than Bill. But what’s with the pantsuits? She’s a nutcracker! Is that sexist?

5. A candidate cries. O the humanity! Clinton wells up on the campaign and says, “This is very personal for me.”

6. McCain’s 13 houses. Or, really, I don’t know how many I have. Ask my people.

7. Rev. Jeremiah Wright: gasbag.

8. Greek columns for Obama at the Democratic National Convention. Really.

9. No longer co-opted by presidential politics, fist-bumping can return to its proper realm: suburban white guys celebrating something mildly sexist one said to his wife while watching sports on TV.

10. “What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick.”

11. Republican dream: A hot candidate with a gun and bikini who has a litter of kids and opposes the right to choose!

12. Bristol Palin, the 17-year-old mother. Stop judging.

13. Katie Couric to Palin: Which other Supreme Court decision matters to you? Palin: There are Russians flying over Alaska all the time.

14. Hope, change, hope, change hopechangehopechange ... chope, hoange ...

15. New Yorker magazine’s controversial covers. C’mon, people. Satire!

16. ACORN. How else were the Dallas Cowboys gonna be able to vote in Nevada?

17. “That one,” says the crabby old man of his opponent.

18. “My friends, my friends.”

19. Entertainment media eclipses politics: web animators and viral videos galore. McCain vs. Letterman. Obama dances on Ellen. “I got a crush on Obama” web video by Amber Lee Ettinger, Obama Girl. And SNL is resurrected by Tina Fey.

20. Terrorist. Muslim. Kenya. Socialism.

22. Joe the Plumber, may he fade quietly into history forevermore.

23. Biden’s guarantee of trouble if Obama wins. Thanks, running mate!

24. Palin goes rogue!

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