Las Vegas Weekly

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For its centennial, Clark County recently buried a time capsule, to be opened in 100 years, filled with the usual dullness: historical photos, marketing trinkets, important-sounding documents and, for laughs, a copy of the county budget.

Fail.

Why not include items that’ll show 2109 what the here and now was really like? For instance, our mortgages, which will still be underwater in 100 years.

• A receipt for $96,000 from John Ensign’s parents.

• Recently released G-stinger Dario Herrera (less to bequeath him to the future than because this capsule is airtight and will be buried)

• Jim Gibbons’ fiscal incompetence.

• Jim Gibbons himself—will anyone but the single women of Carson City notice he’s gone?

• An endoscopy syringe.

• A banker, hog-tied in foreclosure notices.

• Glen Lerner, because airtight and buried might be the only way to stop those goddamn commercials!

• A construction helmet, wistful reminder of growth-fueled prosperity.

• Oscar Goodman—he’s yours now, future!

• A glass of water from what the future will know as Lake Mead Flats.

• Hope, now rendered quaint.