Las Vegas Weekly

My boy

Dating a younger man, by the book

Cyndi Targosz

Photo: C. Moon Reed

I seem to have reached the age where older, married men think it’s okay to hit on me. First, let me say I find the idea of dating a married man to be morally repugnant. Second, let me say yuck, yuck and yuck.

So when I noticed a promotional display for the book Dating the Younger Man: A Complete Guide to Every Woman’s Sweetest Indulgence, I took a second look. The heart-shaped lollipop on the cover was reminiscent of the one pictured in Stanley Kubrick’s film adaptation of Lolita. Purposefully or not, the kickback to literature’s most famous spring-winter romance was subversive in its reversal of gender roles. I do like subverting convention, and seeking younger men would all but eliminate the marrieds. When I saw that author Cyndi Targosz would be doing a local book-signing, I was convinced.

In person, Targosz looks like Suzanne Somers, except more bubbly. A celebrity image consultant, certified lifestyle expert and author of five other books (including Your Best Bust in Minutes a Day and Ten Minute Tone-Ups for Dummies), Targosz gave an uplifting interview, even when I mentioned the forbidden word “cougar.” She explained, “No matter how you sugarcoat the term, by definition a cougar is a predatory animal that eats its prey.” According to Targosz, the correct term is Boy Toy Babe (BTB for short). A cute phrase, but one I can’t say without laughing.

Incidentally, I had just connected with a younger man that week (I’m in my mid-20s; he’s in his early 20s). An artist and male model, this muscle-bound creative spirit fit Targosz’s model for a “boy toy” to a T. Ordinarily, I would have written him off due to our age difference, but motivated by the call of the red lollipop, I gave him a shot. Perhaps I could apply Targosz’s advice to this relationship.

There’s something about dating a younger man that makes me feel inherently unpretty (or maybe that’s just dating a model). Try as I might, I couldn’t internalize the mantra: “love is ageless.” On the night I was supposed to meet the model, I went to Downtown Cocktail Room with my friend Emily instead. Halfway through, I remembered the lessons of Chapter 2: “Are You Too Old?” and Chapter 4: “Unleash the Goddess Within.” Inspired, I invited him to join us. He texted back with an offer to cook me dinner.

“It’s midnight. Why is he cooking dinner?” I asked Emily.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Just don’t respond.”

So I didn’t. He knew where I was, and he could come if he wanted, I figured. He never showed, and I forgot the incident ... until the next morning, when I discovered the first negative wall post to ever dirty my immaculate Facebook page: “i asked how long u were gonna be there for, and u totally ignored me..ur bad”

I was furious. Doesn’t he know I use Facebook for professional contacts? Does he understand anything about Branding? Image? So inconsiderate! I referred to Chapter 13: “Is He Acting His Age?” It advised patience and understanding because “men in their early 20s often have a problem expressing themselves.” Magnanimously, I forgave the offense as a mistake of youth.

The next day, he posted a second defaming message. Rarrrrrr! If I was a cougar, I would get my claws out. Instead I remembered Targosz had seen worse. “It’s important to laugh, because there could be situations where people mistake you as the mother,” she had told me at the bookstore.

Giving my “boy toy” another chance, I invited him out one Saturday night. After we shared some bar food, I encountered the issue addressed in Chapter 10: “The Woos and Woes of Dating.” Who pays the bill? Targosz writes, “If you don’t allow him to pay most of the time, he may come to resent you.” Finally, some advice I could wholeheartedly embrace. Gallantly, he offered to pay, but then made me cover the tip. A little tacky on his part? Or was I being selfish? I don’t know. I was happy to pitch in, even though he had eaten most of the food.

He walked me out and gave me a hug, no kiss. Was he not attracted to me, or was I emitting the don’t-touch-me vibe? Meh. He waved goodbye and invited me for a date that never materialized. In the end, I felt a little guilty about the whole thing. I blamed myself because I was older and knew better, though I’m sure self-blame breaks one of Targosz’s rules. Luckily, I wasn’t upset enough to employ Chapter 5: “Controlled Crying.”