Las Vegas Weekly

The Weekly list: Reincarnations we’d like to see

Lindsay Lohan celebrates her 23rd birthday at MGM’s Wet Republic.

Photo: Erik Kabik/Retna/www.erikkabikphoto.com

Jon and Kate Gosselin

Reincarnated as: The Las Vegas monorail.

Why? So they can remember what life was like when no one paid attention to them.

Sarah Palin

Reincarnated as: A chirpy cruise director on an Alaskan cruise line.

Why? That’s what she was meant to be the first time.

Tom Colicchio

Reincarnated as: Bacon.

Why? Living life as Top Chef’s most-beloved ingredient would offer him an even better chance to appreciate the fruit of the swine.

Criss Angel

Reincarnated as: Criss Angel.

Why? Automatic do-over.

Oscar Goodman

Reincarnated as: The words “last call,” uttered at 10 p.m. every night in the bars of Turducken Falls, North Dakota.

Why? We like the phrase “Turducken Falls.”

Lindsay Lohan

Reincarnated as: Britney Spears.

Why? There’s only so much karma can fix.

Adulterous politicians and their sad wives

Reincarnated as: Panic at the Disco.

Why? So they’ll break up and disappear.

Michael Jackson

Reincarnated as: Twitter.

Why? Apparently, we just can’t get enough.

Kobe Bryant

Reincarnated as: Jim Gibbons.

Why? Fair is fair. Four-time NBA champs should be required to walk the earth as no-talent hacks.