Las Vegas Weekly

The Help Desk

John Ensign’s parents paid $96,000 to his mistress and her family. You know, it’s like that old saying: The family that prays together pays together.

Las Vegas Hilton celebrates 40th anniversary. Word has it their guest had a real good time.

Las Vegas man wins court battle over “HOE” license plate, saying it was short for “Chevy Tahoe.” Paving the way for us to finally get that “DILL DO” license plate for our Cadillac Eldorado.

Allstate annual report: Las Vegas drivers rank among nation’s worst. Hey, thanks to John Ensign and Jim Gibbons, it’s not like there was a future in the job, anyway.

Las Vegas edges Atlantic City in Travelocity contest, will get visit from gnome. Confirming that this is, beyond a doubt, the slowest news week of the year.

Brock Lesnar draws ire of UFC by taunting sponsor Bud Light, saying, “I’m gonna drink a Coors Light.” He drew an even stronger reaction from fight fans for his shitty taste in beer.

Vandals scrawl graffiti on “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign. Officials think it was either kids out for some mischief or part of Brock Lesnar’s post-fight celebration.