Las Vegas Weekly

The Help Desk

Steve Wynn says in conference call with investors, “The landscape in Vegas is troubling.” He then further shocked the group by revealing that water is wet and candy is sweet.

Nevada man charged with acting as attorney. Hmmm ... wonder who’s going to represent this guy?

Swine flu forces change in UMC visitors policy. The new policy is this: If you try to visit, you’re immediately sent for psychiatric evaluation, because you’re clearly insane.

Forbes.com names Las Vegas on list of America’s safest cities. This of course assumes you don’t actually drive on our streets, visit our hospitals or go outside in general.

Alaska man uses children’s college savings to pay Las Vegas exotic dancer. And boy, is Sarah Palin pissed at him.

Mayor Oscar Goodman: Key to getting NBA team here is to build 20,000-seat arena. Not sure that works, Oscar—we installed a stripper pole in our house a few years ago, and Carmen Electra has yet to show up.

Las Vegas Convention & Visitors Authority pushes to allow casinos to provide temporary child care for conventions. Of course, the real question is whether you’re okay with the Crazy Girls taking care of your kid.

Home-built plane crashes on Las Vegas street. Man, that Richard Heene really gets around.