Help Desk

As We See It

Help Desk

Where we sort it all out for you

Tue, Oct 13, 2009 (5:49 p.m.)

Michael Jackson’s doctor Conrad Murray could face arrest after missing hearing about late child support. He’s got a good excuse—he spent all his money on storage lockers and propofol.

Miss America Organization announces Rush Limbaugh as a national judge for 2010. They want help in scoping out the next Republican vice-presidential candidate.

KVBC alleges rest of Las Vegas network affiliates sold their newscasts. This whole thing got us so riled up, we had to take an Excedrin PM—it really works—and cuddle up in our Snuggie—only $19.95.

Las Vegas attorney faces numerous charges for allegedly choking the family dog. Hmmm ... a lawyer who abuses animals? Jail’s going to be a cakewalk for this guy!

Pennsylvania casino company seeks to buy $2 billion Fontainebleau for less than $300 million. Buying for pennies on the dollar? Las Vegas homeowners have never been so ... jealous.

Barry Manilow’s Hilton show to end on December 30. He’s ready to pursue his next project—eating a sandwich.

Kylie Minogue reportedly offered residency in Las Vegas. We can’t wait for her to perform all her hits: “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” and, uh ... all the other ones.

Mortgage-modification workshop sees huge turnout. Hey, when you’re homeless, any place that offers free coffee looks mighty attractive.

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