Las Vegas Weekly

A dream derailed

No money for you!

Southern Nevada appears to hold federal red-headed stepchild status—it’s now been denied stimulus funds for not one but two projects that would have helped boost the economy ($367 million denied for Clark County foreclosure victims, now $83 million to help fund a maglev train from Las Vegas to Southern California).

Some other projects that have been denied:

1) Forming a special task force to find out what happened to the real Roy Horn;

2) Building a wall around the city so that tourists who drive would have to pay to get in and out;

3) Supplemental funds to enable CSI to actually shoot in Las Vegas;

4) A study to prove that Summerlin residents are, in fact, better than everyone else;

5) Grants to repurpose construction cranes as found-art projects;

6) Lobbying funds to ensure that The Hangover got a Best Picture nod (oh, and that cute song, too, while we’re at it);

7) Funds to assist CityLife in hiring a good illustrator;

8) Research grants to pinpoint the precise moment when John Ensign and Jim Gibbons lost their souls.