Las Vegas Weekly

Vegas drinks, drives itself to No. 11 drunkest city

What’s more disturbing? That this chick passed out at home before even starting her drink, or the hideous floor tile?

Contrary to what a rowdy night on the Strip might suggest, Las Vegas is not America’s drunkest city. Fresno, Calif., boasts that honor, though our beloved Land of No Last Call isn’t too far behind.

Las Vegas placed 11 on Men’s Health “drunkest cities” list, which will be published in the magazine’s March issue and ranks 100 major American cities using data on alcoholic liver disease, drunk driving-related car crashes, number of DUI arrests, severity of DUI penalties and the frequency of binge drinking in the last month.

If rankings were based only that last criterion, we would have done way better.

The list also gave each city a letter grade, just like in elementary school, because we all know how difficult numbers can be when you’re smashed. Vegas, along with 12 other cities, received a big fat F. If only we had cheated more off Rochester, NY; Yonkers, NY; or Boston, Mass., each of which received A+ and ranked third, second and first, respectively, on the “least drunk” side of the list. Also making the honor roll (no big shock here) is Salt Lake City, Utah, as the fourth-least drunk city in the country. Miami placed fifth, though this ranking system did not factor in Super Bowl Sunday.

Vegas may find itself toward the top of another bad list, but we’re in good company. Our northern brother Reno slouches in embarrassment as the second-drunkest city and other drunken West Coast neighbors include Riverside, Calif. (No. 4), Tucson, Ariz. (No. 9) and Modesto, Calif. (12).

We foresee a drunkest-cities road trip in the near future.