Las Vegas Weekly

Rush (Limbaugh) Week

Rush to Judgment: Missing America

AP

Contestants in the January 30 Miss America pageant will face some tough judges on their way to victory at Planet Hollywood. The keen assessment of actress Vivica A. Fox. The steely glare of comedian and Democrat-defector Paul Rodriguez. The deceptively smooth tones of saxman Dave Koz.

But none of these judges is as imposing, perhaps, as the great Rush Limbaugh, voice of America, sayer of truths, once-frequent ingester of oxycodone. Surely he’ll be looking to best last year’s judge Perez Hilton in the controversy-starting, headline-getting, possibly booby-trapped question-and-answer segment of the competition.

We at Weekly happen to know Mr. Rush is a big fan of presidential trivia, so we’ve compiled a little “cheat sheet” to help patriotic pageant hopefuls wow the master Dittohead during the tricky Q&A gauntlet:

1. When referring to Obama, use “halfrican American” or “angry black guy.” And for goodness’ sake, make sure you know the lyrics to “Barack, the Magic Negro.”

2. When comparing Obama to historical figures, make sure to reference Hitler first.

3. Tell him you know all about how the Obama administration is using the Haiti crisis to get Americans to donate money through the White House and end up on some pesky government mailing list.

4. As you introduce yourself and your state, add, “I hope Barack Obama fails, too.”