Las Vegas Weekly

• Tweet
• 
• Print
• 

Kathy Griffin performed to a nearly full house in her return to the Colosseum this past Saturday. Armed with plenty of celebrity gossip—“the gift that keeps on giving,” in her words—the standup comic treated the audience to tales of Charlie Sheen and Oprah and even shared the story of her intentionally awkward Thanksgiving spent with Nia Vardalos, Jewel and Soleil Moon Frye.

But it was Griffin’s Vegas digs that stole the show. Her commentary on our unique metropolis had the crowd in stitches. And now we bring you a few gems from the D List diva’s set.

On the house’s odds:

“I made a donation at the slots … it turns out the more you play the more they get!”

Feeling the crowd out:

“Where are my gays? ... Where are my lesbians? ... Where’s my Asian tourists?”

On the high-roller novelty of “complimentary” high-priced tickets:

“Some of you fuckers lost some big money to see my camel toe this close! Take a picture!”

On Strip debauchery:

“Vegas people have the best drunken couple fights on the Strip ever … ‘Well, maybe I wouldn’t have to fuck your brother if you could get it up!’… I applaud that fine lady.”

On why her mother, Maggie, couldn’t make it to town:

Impersonating Maggie: “That’s all I need, is to lose six or seven bucks at a slot machine!”