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Politics

A mathematically precise, totally objective look at the Senate race

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That’s a point for me! Forget the debate, the Weekly figured out the best candidate for Senate.
Photo: Sam Morris

We started Senate candidates Sharron Angle and Harry Reid at zero points and added or subtracted points based on their stances, comments or actions. This scoring system is, of course, accurate within 100 percentage points:

Harry Reid Believes in the law. Attended law school, served as Henderson city attorney. (+1 point)

Sharron Angle Also believes in the law—Sharia law. Believes it’s taken hold in two American cities, one of which no longer exists. (-4 points)

Harry Reid Health insurance should be affordable for all. (+5 points)

Sharron Angle Autism is a “politically correct special interest.” (-5 points)

Harry Reid Took on the Mob in the ’70s as chairman of the Nevada Gaming Commission. (+4 points)

Sharron Angle Took down her own website when she realized that even she didn’t agree with some of her positions. (-5 points)

Harry Reid Reluctant to promote himself or his achievements. (-1 point)

Sharron Angle Reluctant to pass up the opportunity to say “Harry Reid” in every single sentence. (-2 points)

Harry Reid 25 mph: estimated speed of his punches when he was an amateur boxer. (+5 points)

Sharron Angle 20 mph: estimated speed she’s been known to reach in running away from reporters. (-4 points)

Harry Reid Through hard work, has arguably the most influence of any senator currently serving. (+4 points)

Sharron Angle Through hard work, has somehow managed to get hundreds of Republicans to back Reid in the Senate race. (-2 points)

Harry Reid Sure NOT to get the Scientology vote. (+5 points)

Sharron Angle Sure to get the Scientology vote. (+3 points)

Harry Reid Observation he wishes he could take back: Barack Obama’s “light-skinned” appearance. (-5 points)

Sharron Angle Observation she wishes she could take back: Of a Hispanic student group, “Some of you look a little more Asian to me.” (-5 points)

Harry Reid Energy policy:

“Coal makes us sick, oil makes us sick.” (-3 points)

Sharron Angle Energy policy: The BP escrow account mandated to pay for victims of the Gulf oil spill is “a slush fund.” (-3 points)

Harry Reid Quote he’ll likely be remembered for this year: “No one can do more.” (+2 points)

Sharron Angle Quote she’ll likely be remembered for this year: “I hope that’s not where we’re going, but you know, if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying, my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I’ll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out.” (-5 points)

Grand totals:

Harry Reid: 17 points.

Sharron Angle: -32 points.

Well, there you have it. Completely unofficial proof that Reid is the clear choice in this election. Sure, the criteria for this list and the scoring system weren’t exactly kosher, but neither are any of Angle’s positions, both for Nevada and the country. If she can determine we don’t need to be in the United Nations, or that our Department of Education needs to go bye-bye, or that the separation of church and state is bogus ... on second thought, this scoring system seems entirely appropriate.

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Ken Miller is Las Vegas Weekly's associate editor, having previously served as assistant features editor at the Las Vegas Sun ...

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